Advice on Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy is a crucial element in marriage. There are many things that can help or hurt the fragile intimacy in a committed relationship. To develop intimacy, both partners need to play an active role in making sure that love is inspired, you give each other respect, and you are both honest and open with each other. Take a look at these intimacy life givers and intimacy killers to improve your marriage relationship.

Life giver: Respect one another as adults. Treat each other with love and care. That means don’t speak in a condescending manner to each other, don’t use disrespectful language towards each other, and don’t physically harm each other.

Killer: Looking down on your partner destroys self-image and trust. This causes your partner to pull away. Cutting each other’s words off or yelling at each other and is disrespectful. It is hard to be open and get close to someone who will not carefully listen and does not control their anger.

Life giver: Enjoying sex as a celebration of love, an ending to a period of good quality time, or because of feeling close emotionally. Savor the time and give your whole self into it. Focus on your partner and don’t be afraid to look deep into their eyes. Enjoy not only the physically bond, but the emotional and spiritual bond.

Killer: Having sex as an obligation, due to stimulus other than your partner, or purposely neglecting to have sex as a form of punishment for offense, or ransom for a demand. Sex should be inspired and not forced or begged for. Sex is better when all you need is them to excite you. Eliminating outside sexual stimulus can enhance the sex with your partner physically. Sex should not be used as a means of bargaining or teasing your partner. Disputes should be worked out before engaging in sex, but the denial of sex should not be a threat.

Life giver: Showing your partner that you love them in different ways. A simple hug, a small gift, an ‘I love you’ text, or an act of service are all different ways to let them know you are thinking about them. People can receive love in many different ways, and usually there is a favorite way that you partner wants you to show love. Find out that favorite way your partner likes to be shown love and cater to it. Make sure they know your favorite way to be loved.

Killer: Showing love in only one way. Not paying attention when your partner expresses that they need a certain kind of expression of love or feels neglected. Don’t allow pride to tell you, "I do a good job of loving them." Your partner can tell you better if you are meeting their needs.

Life giver: Inspiring love.

Killer: Demanding love.

Life giver: Forgiving offenses and letting things go is major key to keeping a relationship healthy. If you feel hurt, think about whether or not you really believe your partner hurt you on purpose. If there is a major issue, talk it over with them, otherwise just let it go.

Killer: Holding grudges, expecting your partner to read your mind, and demanding an apology. If you hold a grudge you will be more likely to pull away from intimacy, start arguments, and become unnecessarily defensive.

Using these intimacy life givers and avoiding the intimacy killers can make your marriage relationship much healthier and happier.