Abusive Spouse

With tears dropping down her face, eyes blank staring at somewhere and nowhere at the same time, she was hugging herself as if trying to assure herself that she was still alive. If she wasn't, she couldn't have felt so much pain, wishing that nobody heard her screams and thinking that probably they didn't hear her after all as no one came to her help. That's more or less, how a victim of domestic abuse feels. Her deplorable state is hardly able to move the abusive and apathetic spouse.

Spousal abuse, or domestic abuse is a crime and social plight from which the abused woman is not able to break away. But it is a step which has to be taken, no matter how difficult it is.

Domestic Violence
When abuse is more physical, then it is termed as domestic violence. Many married and cohabited women have faced the daily turmoil while living with a partner. Sometimes arguments become too heated but nevertheless, loss of temper is not a reason for hitting anybody. Spouses who are abusive create an atmosphere of fear, and the constant beatings diminishes the self-esteem of the battered woman. She becomes scared of anyone knowing about her state. She keeps on hoping that her husband would change when he shows signs of remorse, only to find the feeling of remorse was short-lived. Such a spouse is an insecure, egotistical male who believes that his partner "asked for it". Physical abuse include slapping, biting, shoving, forced alcohol or drug abuse, hitting with an object, raping, molestation, date rape, demeaning sexual activity, etc. Domestic violence cases have also ended in the deaths of many women. On confrontation, he will deny every charge of domestic abuse and accuse his partner of exaggeration.

Emotional Abuse
Verbal spat in marriage is inevitable but when one partner starts demeaning the other, it results in verbal abuse. Verbal abuse in marriage is a lot common than any one would think. A woman trapped in an abusive relationship feels insecure, helpless and inferior than her partner, believing she deserved what she got. When a spouse is shouting, name calling, threatening, insulting, derogating his partner, then he is said to be a verbally abusive husband or boyfriend. Signs of emotional trauma and verbal abuse signs can be seen by the neighbors but abuser and abused woman often try to cover it up.

Apart from verbally abusing the wife, abusive husband tries to make her economically dependent on him so as to prevent her from escaping from the marriage. Locking the woman inside the house, depriving her of basic necessities is another way for an abusive domestic partner to exert control.

How to Deal with an Abusive Partner
Whenever an abused woman thinks about leaving her abusive husband, her first thought is about the children. As they need their father in their life, she becomes passive and continues to suffer in this state. Children, whether young or adolescents, can see their mother's condition and would understand it if they all leave the abusive spouse (their father). If you are one of those women who are contemplating to take this step, then you should keep in mind these points:

• Tell your family and friends about your abusive husband. Seek their help in deciding where you are going to live after leaving his house.
• When you inform your husband about your decision, make sure that you have your family and friends, especially males to protect you.
• If you don't have a job, then get one. Be economically independent which will help you in completely breaking away from him.
• Go to the police. Tell them about how you were treated by him and file a case of domestic violence against him. Get a restraining order against him if he becomes violent and starts stalking you.
• Take the custody of the kids. Generally, the child custody is given to the abused spouse.
• Go to a shelter or safe house with your children. If it doesn't help, then move to another city.

When we talk about the marriage institution, the "till death do us apart" vows and the countless promises come to mind but when the promises, trust and even one's own self-image is broken down by the person you loved and married, then it's the time to get a grip on one's own life. Life is more sacred than any vows and social commitments, and life is meant be lived with your head held high. Whoever you are, there is help waiting for you. All you need to do is to reach to it. You have to stop your abusive partner from battering you. You have to stop being a victim. Period.