Abusive Relationships

Is your partner overtly jealous? Does he try to control you in every way by telling you what to wear, whom to meet, etc, etc. Has he ever raised his hand on you? Do you feel that slowly and slowly you are getting withdrawn into a shell, away from your friends, away from a social life you once had? If the answers to all or some of these questions are in the affirmative, you, my friend, are in an abusive relationship.

It is a misconception that abuse is always physical. A person can be abusive in lots of other ways such as emotionally, sexually or even psychologically. That's why, it is very important to first of all know about signs, before dealing with such a situation.

Dealing with an Abusive Relationship

As I said earlier that being abusive is more than just hitting or slapping your partner. Some signs are more felt than seen. If your partner is always putting you down or criticizes you for each and every small thing, if your partner always blames you for his failures or mood swings, if he threatens to leave you every now and then, if he forces you to have sex with him even when you are not in a mood, if he threatens to commit suicide or kill you, if he humiliates you in person and in public, if he experiences extreme mood swings and is good and bad to you in turns for no rhyme of reason, if he tries to isolate you from your friends and family, if he tries to control and keep a check on you, if he displays these signs and even if he may have never hit you physically, he is still being abusive to you.

One of the facts that all women in such a relationship should understand is that whatever they are going through or facing, has nothing to do with them. So you should know that it is not your fault at all. A person is abusive to you because he has chosen to be like that. Nothing you have said or done has MADE him like this. Another thing to remember is that you are not alone in this situation. According to statistics given by "Commonwealth Fund survey 1998" around thirty-three percent of women in America have faced abuse by their intimate partner in their life.

When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to take action. A part of you might feel that it is nothing serious and it does not matter as long as you are physically safe. But let me tell you one thing, with such a partner by your side, you may never know when this psychological abuse may turn into physical one. After all, abusive relationships are all about a person exerting control and power over his partner. So such a spouse may do what next to control you, you never know.

If you want to change your situation, your partner has to be willing to do the same too. If your partner recognizes his follies, wants to end being abusive and is ready to tackle this issue, you both should go in for a group therapy. Going in for group therapy will help you to do away with the abusive patterns which have become a part of your relationship. However, if your partner is uncooperative and is in total denial that he ever abuses you, letting the relationship go and moving away is the only solution.

I know it is not easy to move away from a relationship, but for your own sake, be courageous and move away. If you feel that you have become too depressed, weak and helpless to take such a step, take help from your friends or family. By leaving the relationship, you are actually giving scope to your partner to get healed. Many a time, it is seen that people who abuse, have actually faced the same thing in life.

Physically and verbally abusive relationships cannot be repaired from one side. So if your partner refuses therapy, leaving him is the only alternative you have. It is usually seen that when abusive people suddenly lose control over their partners, they might resort to physical violence or other manipulations to get them back. So if you fear for your physical safety, take a domestic violence restraining order against him. Most importantly, be strong and stop playing a victim, cause you deserve much better!