A Night to Hope 10

There was this time in my life that I had to experience things I hated. Eating and tasting grapes and lettuce, which by my memory were nightmares. As time went on these things I hated doing pretty much made me stronger and grew more delicious. I also knew that remembering such experiences can be a difficult and needless to say, scary thing. I sat there waiting as he fooled around himself, trying to find a place to start off his memory. "I think she was my first to last girlfriend" he finally said. It surprised me of what he said. I mean he dated a lot, and still had more coming in. "We met when my dad had to go to work and always brought me with him" he said smiling to himself.

My dad never did that to me in a long time, the last time he did I pretty much vomited on his desk (I was sick and he couldn’t stay home). "I met her on the elevator and we started talking about silly things, such as toys and our fathers. She was nice and she whispered me her name which was Millie. I told her my name and we became friends after that." Then he suddenly stopped and started rubbing his chin, trying to remember. Really as I was listening to this story of his I didn’t get where it was going, but I realized it must be one of those surprises you never see coming. "We grew up around our fathers work, and pretty much went to the same school together. The strange thing was I never saw her as a sister; she was a girl I apparently grew up with.

When I realized how pretty she had gotten over the years I was scared to ask her out…" and he stopped leaving me to just watch him over the table that separated us. "What were you scared of?" I heard myself saying. He looked at me stupid and then understanding. "I don’t know really, I suppose she was more mature looking. It’s something that girls grow up to obtain and then spread it upon the world" and he thought about it. I was very happy of the way he explained it to me. I was finally to somewhat understand how I always got tongue-tied when talking to a girl. "It’s like the wind. When you’re small you don’t really care about it. Sometimes it well changes course or blow your stuff into the sky, but you know it’s there.

As you grow up you want to know what it is, what makes it up its force, what defines its structure, and it leaves you asking more. In the end you’re so fascinated by it you want it to never disappear." I was stunned and trembling by the thought of it, and it never occurred to me the uselessness of the forever changing world. Girls are beings made to produce, but does that define life at all? Does that mean males were only created by man to work and create? I find myself asking these question and when I look up and Kevin is just laughing at me at what I was doing when I think to myself (I scratch my chin). "Please don’t take it to account, it was just something to make you see it clearer." He said trying to calm himself down. "So did you find the courage to ask her out?" I said trying to finish this talk up.

Not that I was in a hurry, but I knew that if we stalled for too long he would probably never speak of this again. "I did, and she surprisingly said yes. I know what you’re thinking Lyndon ‘If you guys had such great child-hood then what made becoming a couple bad?’ and the answer is knowledge" he said trying to spit out the word. "Yes, young one, knowledge. I never knew it would be true for us though, but it was. We knew each other weakness, joys, good times, bad times, food, and etcetera. We lasted a year, but that year really only lasted a month…" and I saw through the way he was sliding his cup back in fourth across the table that he was uncomfortable of his surroundings. I wanted to know more, I really wanted to know, but there is a period in a conversation when you should really leave it alone.

Most people think the silence is a wanting to get insight from the other party, but it’s not. "I met Clare on the bus this afternoon" I said giving a grim smile. He jumped back a little and nodded to himself (Probably saying something like ‘oh yeah I’m here right now’). "What did she say?" he said now giving me the questions. "She needed more time" I said not knowing what to do with what I was saying inside my head. "Does that mean she likes me?" I thought to myself. I thought about all and I came to the conclusion that I didn’t know anything at all. "Can I ask you something?" Kevin said messing with my train of thought. "Umm…I guess" I said trying to think what question could he have come up with. "Why do you like her, this girl you probably don’t know a thing about?

I’m sorry it was the same question I ask myself and found them all meaningless, so I was hoping yours would be different" he said smiling to himself more than he was to me. I thought about it, and when I found out that there was nothing I could describe the way I felt for her. "It’s her very existence that makes me able to have feelings for her. I wish there was a word for it, it’s not love, and I don’t want to be with her till all I smell is her breath (Which I wouldn’t mind by the way), it’s just that she is there" and I felt my heart thumbing as though I was sitting right next to her and she was smiling at me. Kevin’s eyes were wide with surprise and he smiled a smile I never seen on his face and I guess that was his honest smile. "I believe you.

I wonder why you feel so strongly for someone you don’t know. I guess we all have different ways to show for it. Your answer was the honest. Most people would reply saying "It’s the way she looks at me", "I love her body", and "she makes me a men". I hope she sees you as you she her, for I’m sure you to will grow old together. I smiled to myself and was happy that someone admired my mind for once. If I had someone like him back in the days I wonder if I could smile like I am right now.