A Flicker of Hope Chapter 3

I had expected to have a nightmare, but no such thing happen. I don’t even recall having a dream.

Lisa was already awake putting on her makeup. I quickly took a shower, and put on some pair of jeans, and a T-shirt. I just put on eyeliner, and a lip gloss. That was my usual makeup.

"You look hot."

I just rolled my eyes at her. I always looked hot to her, but the truth was just the opposite, and I knew it. I was plain, and boring.

"We have to hurry. We are already running late." I warned her when she was taking forever just to choose a sandal.

"I just don’t know what to wear."

"Maybe wear the silver one," I suggested.

"Thanks." She gave me a big smile, and we were both ready to go.

As soon as we reached school, I ran to my locker with Lisa following close behind. I stopped myself when I saw Jared leaning against one of the locker. He gave me a half-smile, and turned his gaze towards Lisa, smiling big, and eying her up and down.

No matter how hard I had tried to prepare myself, it still hurt. Tears were starting to flow through my eyes, but I quickly hurried to the bathroom to save myself from the embarrassment. I was 100% sure that they didn’t notice me running towards the bathroom; they were just too busy looking into each others eyes. I was making a fool out of myself this whole time. What was wrong with me? How did I miss something like this before?

I really hadn’t expected this to happen. It was just too painful. I cried for like 2 minutes before the bell rang. I wiped my tears, and re-applied my eye liner, and lip gloss. I tried smiling but it kind of hurt, and it just didn’t feel right.

When I walked to the class, I was surprised to see that there was no teacher, and all the students were busy talking. From the corner of my eyes I saw an empty seat beside Jared, but I just ignored it. Instead I sat to the empty seat at the opposite side of the room. I didn’t even care who I was sitting with. What did it even matter?

"Hi," a brunet girl with a cute smile asked. She was kind of cute in a different sort of way.

I smiled.

"You okay?" She asked.

Do I look like I am okay? "Yes, I am fine."

She shook her head. "You had a fight with your boyfriend?" She was looking towards Jared.

"He is not my boyfriend , and I didn’t have a fight with him." I defended.

"Well, you usually sat beside him, and I was just wondering."

This girl was pretty annoying. First thing first, it really wasn’t any of her business. And secondly, why did it even matter?

"You know the guy sitting at the last row, with blond hair and freckles?" When I nodded, she continued. "I had a huge crush on him, but he liked someone else, and it took me like a month to get over him."

"But why are you telling me?" She didn’t even know me, and here she was telling me about her love affair.

She just shrugged, and continued as if my comment hadn’t had any effect on her. "But sometimes it is still so hard. I have to see him making out with another girl, and it still hurts. He doesn’t even have a clue about my feelings for him…" There were actually tears in her eyes, and I just wasn’t sure what to do. Here she was telling every thing to a stranger, and I didn’t even know how to response.

"I am sorry." For a second, her pain made me forgot my own problems. "But aren’t you over him?"

She hesitated. "Actually, I am still trying to get over him."

We talked for awhile and I found out that her name was Kelly. It felt good to talk to her, and I didn’t even realize when the class ended. I was surprised, and proud of myself for not even thinking about Jared the whole time I was talking with her. I was so glad to find that she and I had like most of the classes together. How had I not noticed this before?

I had no choice but to face Jared during the lunch. But this time I was more prepared- thanks to Kelly. I told her the whole story and she was encouraging me to do what I really want to do, and for a moment, just stop caring about how this will affect everyone. Though I didn’t have a speech prepared on my mind, I felt like everything was going to be fine.

"Hi," My voice sounded different, but not in a bad way.

"I was afraid that you were not going to come." Jared and I, we always sat together for lunch since Lisa had lunch in a different hour. "You okay?"

"Um….." I wasn’t sure where this was going. I turned around to see Kelly giving me thumps up. My sentence came out faster than I expected, and I was talking by looking directly into his eyes. "Jared, we can’t be friends anymore because this is really not working. Lisa and you both seem to get along quite well, and I am sure you will do just fine without me. I don’t think I am strong enough. I can’t pretend like I am happy for you guys and just suffer inside. You can just be happy by being with Lisa, and all this confusion isn’t even needed."

"What you mean?" His expression was slightly puzzled and disturbed.

I took a deep breath. This was the hardest part. "Okay, I have feelings for you, and I don’t even know when I started having it. It might sound crazy, or stupid to you, and I am sorry. I don’t know I just liked you a lot. May be even…." I stopped myself, and shook my head, not looking at him. "I can’t see you going out with my best friend, and it will take me some time to get used to that fact."

His expression was bewildered. "I-I hadn’t ever thought that you would…."

"Can we still be friends?" He asked after a minute of silence.

"That is where you are wrong, Jared. I can’t be friends with you and pretend that I am happy when I am not. I am not like that. Good bye." I walked outside the cafeteria without giving a second glance, but from a corner of my eyes I saw Kelly smiling proudly at me.