A Flicker of Hope - Chapter 2

The biggest problem was lying to my own best friend. I had to make her believe that I was completely over him, and I just knew that she would like him. What girl in her right mind wouldn’t? Plus, we had so many things in common, which means that she probably does like him. I had been so engrossed in my own love affair that I never asked her if she felt anything for him. That was really selfish of me. She was supporting me the whole time, and I didn’t ever ask her if she was actually okay with it all. Now it was just too late. It was too late for me to fall for him and too late for him to like me back. And the most painful, shocking part was that he actually liked my best friend, instead of me. Was it so hard to like me?

I took my keys from my purse, and carefully opened our apartment door. Lisa and I were best friends as well as room mates. I prayed and I hoped that what I was about to do would work.

"Hey Liz," I greeted her warmly, hiding all my feelings inside.

She was sitting in the desk, reading a magazine on fashion. She was a fashion freak, which was a good thing for me since I sucked at fashion.

She looked at me quizzically. "What?" This was really not working. My acting was probably worse than I thought. How could I forget that she knew me just way too much? For the first time, I regretted having her as my best friend.

She walked towards me, putting the magazine back in the table. "You okay?" She was being tender and I just wanted to cry, and tell her the whole thing, but that would make it impossible for her to ever date Jared. I couldn’t do that when it was possible that they both had feelings for each other.

So I did the only thing that was my other option. "I failed the Chemistry test." That was a lie, but it was better then telling her the truth, or so I thought. That was the only thing that came to my mind anyway.

"Oh," she seemed to buy it. She knew how much I hated failing tests, and that was the only way to make her believe so.

After taking a shower, I changed into my pajamas, and sat in the table opposite Lisa.

I was feeling much better now then before and I was pretty sure that I would manage to do just fine. It wasn’t like I would commit suicide just because he didn’t like me the way I wanted him to, but it was still hard enough.

"I don’t think I even like Jared," I started the conversation. It wasn’t the full truth, but still. I told myself that I wouldn’t like him, but it would still take some time to get used to that fact.

"You what?" She seemed surprised yet somehow happy. My worse fears came to be true. At that moment I felt like screaming at her. How dare she even like him!!!

But I knew better than that. 2 years ago, we had promised each other that we would never let a guy come between us. Lisa followed the promise, and it was sadly my turn to do so too.

"I am just bored with him. If he doesn’t make any move on me, why bother running after him?" I replied honestly.

"Are you serious?" She didn’t even bother to hide her happiness. Sadly, my heart was still broken over the fact.

"Absolutely." Before she could respond, I walked towards the kitchen, grab an apple, and started chewing it. That was a good excuse not to talk to her.

"Why are you so happy?" I played dumb. "You have a crush on him or something?"

She actually blushed . I couldn’t believe my eyes! How long has it been going on behind my back? I was such a stupid fool to even believe that a guy like Jared will like me, when a golden beauty was available. I was always so average but I had never really cared about it before. But this was just down right wrong!

Lisa had wide blue eyes with straight beautiful blond hair where as I was just the opposite. I had dark hair and dark eyes. There was nothing special about me. Nothing at all. I was always so short, with curly hair and a heart shape face. My looks hadn’t really matter to me that much but now it somehow did. It mattered to me. I just couldn’t help but compare myself to a gorgeous looking Lisa, and trust me it was really bad.

After hearing Lisa’s side of story about how much she liked Jared, when she started liking him, and why she didn’t tell me, I decided to take a walk. It was raining but I just didn’t care. What was the point? I loved getting wet. The rain felt so good against my skin, and I could always count on it to make me feel good.

Lisa had liked him for months now. She was afraid to hurt me, so she didn’t tell me. She had been a perfect friend, and now it was my turn, but I don’t think I was strong enough to be happy for her.

My hair was all wet, and so were my clothes. There was a thunder in the sky making me shiver and tremble with the unknown fear. I was soaking, yet I was still not ready to go back and face my best friend. And tomorrow was going to be worse. I was going to see Jared, and things wouldn’t be the same.

What would I do knowing that I couldn’t change the painful truth? It was a good thing that this year was ending and summer was just ahead. I didn’t want to see anyone, but would I be able to keep this façade for one more month? I don’t know. I am not even sure if I should just tell them the truth.

Tomorrow will care about itself. With that in mind, I walked back to the apartment with a new peace settled in my heart. And there was still a portion of hope left inside of me, helping me to see that things will work out for good. It was just a flicker of hope that kept me going.

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