A Diffrent Life 10

"I can’t" I say turning in his arms looking into his brown eyes. Wow. I hadn’t noticed how cute his eyes were. I hadn’t noticed a lot of things. I don’t even know what I’m doing.
"What, why" he looked kind of upset.
"Because…."
"Because what"?
"James have you ever been in a hard situation with someone else"?
"Well…yeah"
"Say it was a really difficult one and it hurt both of you, no matter how hard one tries to protect to the other. And the one trying to do the protecting knows but can’t go for help."
"Yeah…."
"Because she thinks if she tells the people who are supposed to help them actually split them apart. So every time she does think about going for help the thought of separating them from one another makes her keep her mouth shut."
"Asia…you think they are going to separate you and Izzy. Oh, Asia I thought it was because you loved him or something like that. You had me so worried."
"Eww…I am sixteen and he’s like 27. That’s so gross" I laughed.
He laughed with me. Then I remembered I had to go pick Izzy up from daycare. I told James and he decided to come with me.
*************************************************
**LATER THAT DAY (NIGHT TIME)**

I had just come back down from putting Izzy to bed when I got back downstairs James looking really sleepy. I sat down beside him and said "James you know you should go home."
"Yeah I should".
"Come on I’ll walk you to the door."
I started to get up when he pulled me back down.
"Before I go Asia…I should tell you something. "
"Sure..What" I asked confused.
I looked at him and it looked like he was thinking really hard.
"James just say it"
"Ok…uhm…Asia"
I laughed, "Come on out with it"
"Well…Asia, You know how you have known Christa for like six years now?"
"Yeah" I was seriously confused, what was he getting at?
"Well you know how her mom married my dad and then got a divorce after three years. Asia…when I first met you I thought you were very nice inside and out"
WHAT??!!
"Over the years I have known you which has been three four year now…Instead of me liking you I started to love being around you."
My head was screaming WHAT IS HE SAYING!?!
He tossed his head back and laughed, which was pretty cute I have to admit. "I remember in 8th grade I used to wait until you walked by my locker then follow you most of the way to yours. Then I would retrace my steps and run back through the halls trying not to be late for my class."
I remember that. Well I don’t remember him walking behind me to my class, I didn’t know. But I remember him always getting detentions because he was late to class every other day.
I thought he just did it because he didn’t care about school.
"What are you saying James" I asked. (Doesn’t that sound like it came out of some script for a love movie). I asked that even though I knew exactly what he was saying.
"I am saying I love you. And this is not like me saying I loved you since I met you on the beach a year ago like some guys say. I am saying I have loved you for four year now. It hurt me so much when I saw you looking at other guys. Like when you look at Devin, I see that look in your eyes. I wish I could make you smile like that I wish I could make your eyes light up like the sun. "
He knows I like Devin?? Why are my eyes tearing up. Why is he telling me this? This is so sweet. But I am so scared I might hurt him. Why couldn’t he like Janet, Jessica, Cassie, Monica…..?? Why me?
He continues, "But I can’t. I can’t force you to love me, even if I could I wouldn’t. I always wanted you to be happy. I still do. Even if that means I won’t be the one to make you happy. Even if I’m not the person you fall in love with. I know that you don’t love me and I am okay with that. Don’t force yourself to love me. I do and always will love you and want what is best for you. "
The tears burst out of my eyes. James…please…James………..
Then he leans forward looks into my eyes then down then up then down. His head turns to the side his eyes close. Then his lips brush mine.
He whispers "Always". He lifts my chin and kisses my tenderly. His lips move against mine in this feeling of sorrow. But it feels so good. I want to kiss him more. But his lips are sending a message. A message I can’t decipher. He pulls away and looks into my eyes.
"Did I ever tell you Asia how pretty your eyes are . How beautiful you are. I know I never did and I wish I had sooner." "I will always be your friend Asia….your best friend no matter what."
He stands up and gives me this sad smile. A smile I know I will never forget. Tears are blurring my vision insanely. I wipe my eyes.
"Well I should go" he voice sounds different. Different how though?
While waving a little wave he walks to the door, turns around and says "Meet me after school in the courtyard. So we can go to the police together."

******Around 11:00 THAT SAME NIGHT*****

I have been up crying all night. Why did he say those sweet things to me? He is right I don’t love him. Do I? No I’ve only seen him as a friend. Right? I am so confused.
I lay in on the couch thinking. I finally figured out what the message was his kiss was sending.
I think it was saying "I’m sorry". But what is it that he is sorry for?
I sure am sorry for a lot.