Thoughts
Some thoughts. And if this advice is heeded by people that are older than me, then you should be ashamed. Get out and live.
Some things in life are just difficult; death, loss, people, yourself. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is listen to yourself and see how much you fall below what you wanted to become. Step back and look at what you have done, all the things you have said, all the things you have changed, the impacts you have had on people. Did they all work like you wanted them to? This isn't meant to be depressing, but life is going to be full of failures, and nothing you can do can change the past. The past is permanent, the future is intangible, but the present is malleable.
Consider the present to be surgery and you are the surgeon. You kill the person, there is hundreds of thousands of possible mistakes that could kill them. All of those chances for the present to go wrong and slip into the past and change everything. But if the surgery doesn't happen, if you don't do anything, the patient will die just the same as if you had made a mistake and killed them. If you don't do anything at all, the world will spin past you like you and you won't have done anything worthwhile.
In the wise words of Eric Idle "Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke.". Don't think that the consequences outweigh the reward. Just because you think you might fail at whatever you are trying to do, doesn't mean you are destined to fail. Life is all about falling down, getting stepped on, and getting back up. In other words, failure, punishment, and moving on. So if you don't fail, good for you, the world will not notice. If you do, then don't be afraid to try it again. Sometimes, you just need to jump off a bridge, not caring what's going to fuck you over when you hit the bottom. No one can read the future, and no one can change the past. The best advice I ever got was from my brother, and he told me when I would get hurt to just be a man and deal with it. Life will hurt you, it will tear up your skin and rip out your heart, but facing the pain is the only way to get through.
Consider the present to be surgery and you are the surgeon. You kill the person, there is hundreds of thousands of possible mistakes that could kill them. All of those chances for the present to go wrong and slip into the past and change everything. But if the surgery doesn't happen, if you don't do anything, the patient will die just the same as if you had made a mistake and killed them. If you don't do anything at all, the world will spin past you like you and you won't have done anything worthwhile.
In the wise words of Eric Idle "Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke.". Don't think that the consequences outweigh the reward. Just because you think you might fail at whatever you are trying to do, doesn't mean you are destined to fail. Life is all about falling down, getting stepped on, and getting back up. In other words, failure, punishment, and moving on. So if you don't fail, good for you, the world will not notice. If you do, then don't be afraid to try it again. Sometimes, you just need to jump off a bridge, not caring what's going to fuck you over when you hit the bottom. No one can read the future, and no one can change the past. The best advice I ever got was from my brother, and he told me when I would get hurt to just be a man and deal with it. Life will hurt you, it will tear up your skin and rip out your heart, but facing the pain is the only way to get through.
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