40th Birthday Jokes

Yet another step, it is, in everyone's life when he/she turns 40. All of a sudden, the past 39 years simply shrink to a memory! Life sure passes away very fast and people on their birthday whisper to themselves, 'Boy, candles are increasing in their numbers!' So, without wasting much time, I am listing down some splendid 40th birthday jokes, which you can either flood the birthday cards with, or you can crack them loud and clear on the birthday.

Funny 40th Birthday Jokes for Women

#1. Wife to husband on her 40th birthday - 'Do you see that guy?'

Husband - Yeah, so!

Wife - 40 years ago, I refused his marriage proposal and till now he has been drinking like crazy!

Husband - Wow! That's a long, long celebration!

#2. 'On my 40th birthday, I remember the past days of my life. Now I am a rich fellow, but when I was a child, I was really very poor. So poor, that I got only thing in my birthday and that was getting one year older!'

#3. 'Mom you gotta stop lying about your age. My hair's getting gray, but you still say that you are 30!'

#4. Some girls brought a present on their land lady's birthday. The lady shook the gift box before opening it. After sometime, she noticed that the box was getting wet at the corner. She touched the corner and tasting her finger, she asked, 'A bottle of wine?' The girls replied, 'No.' She tasted again and asked again, 'A bottle of applesauce?' The girls replied again, 'No.' After tasting the liquid many times, the lady was still not able to guess. So, finally when she gave up, she asked ' What is it?' The reply was, 'A rabbit.'

#5. A couple got separated several years ago. The husband thinks to buy his wife a life insurance policy for her 40th birthday. However, the coming year he doesn't get her anything. So the wife asks, 'Why didn't you buy me a birthday present?' The husband replies, 'Well, I was hoping that I will be getting the returns of the investment I did for you and buy you a gift. But see, you are still healthy and smiling!'

#6. 'I wanted a new sports car for my birthday. So, I told my husband that I need something that goes from 0 - 250 in 5 seconds, and my birthday is coming up. So, surprise me!' (So, did your husband get you a car.) 'Yeah, he did surprise me! He got me a brand new bathroom scale to measure my weight!'

Read more on:

• Funny Birthday Sayings
• 40th Birthday Sayings

Funny 40th Birthday Jokes for Men

#1. Question to the birthday boy. 'What is the most embarrassing moment you ever had to come across in your life?'

Birthday boy - 'The most embarrassing moment was the day when I was born naked!'

#2. 40 is the ideal time to start smoking like a chimney and drinking like a fish! Why? Well, these habits won't have enough time to hurt you!

#3. A dozen people at 40, sitting down and having a conversation, seems like an orchestra playing a music with their coughing, sneezing and heavy breaths!

#4. 'I wanted a whistle for my 40th birthday, but my sweet wife brought me an inhaler!'

#5. It was the 40th birthday of a dentist and many of his friends were invited at his house. His wife had made a surprise cake for the day. So, she blindfolded him and led him to the table where the cake was placed. As soon as the blindfold was removed and the dentist looked down, he broke down into a fits of a laughter, seeing a huge cake in the form of a denture having 40 teeth! His friends asked him the reason of his reaction. The doctor collected himself and wiping his eyes, said, 'I am wondering about a friend of mine who would be turning 45 next month and he is a gynecologist!'

#6. John was celebrating his 40th birthday and his blond wife invited many of his friends to their house. She also invited a puppeteer to the party. So, while the puppeteer was performing, he made his puppet say, 'Hey, John, isn't it just great? (John - What?) Your investment in the health insurance has finally started to pay off.' All the guests burst into a crazed laughter, except the wife. The wife exclaimed, 'Hey mister, your joke was a bit offensive to me and my husband!' Puppeteer - I apologize for this Mrs. John, it won't be repeated. Wife - 'I am sorry, I am not talking to you. I am talking to your puppet!'

Some Quotes Which Can be Used As Good 40th Birthday Jokes

• Women are most fascinating between the ages of 35 and 40 after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass 40, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely. - Christian Dior
• 35 is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
  - Oscar Wilde
• A recent survey showed that at the age of twenty 90% of men have sex four times a week and that by the time they reach 40 they are still capable of telling the same pathetic lie. - Anonymous
• At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all. - Anonymous
• Life begins on your 40th birthday. But so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. - Helen Rowland
• If life really begins on your 40th birthday, it's because that's when women finally get it... the guts to take back their lives. - Laura Randolph
• At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage. - John Andrew Holmes
• Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty eight and forty. - James Thurber
• Age is a high price to pay for maturity. - Tom Stoppard
• What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy. - Voltaire
• Forty isn't old, if you're a tree. - Unknown
• The "I just woke up" face of your 30s is the "all day long" face of your 40s. - Libby Reid
• People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. - Anatole France
• You know when you are getting old when the end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. - Unknown
• You know when you are getting old when you scratch you butt without worrying what the other person will say. - Unknown
• You know you are getting old when you don't put your toothbrush inside your mouth, but look for your dentures to clean them! - Unknown
• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. - Homer Simpson
• Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything. - Moe, from The Simpsons
• Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast! How old are you? Uh-huh, and what's your birthday? No kidding. And Lisa's birthday? What? You don't even know your sister's birthday? What kind of brother are you? - Homer Simpson

I guess, that would be all for all the funny 40th birthday jokes for now. Before signing off, here's another one for you. 'It's Joe's 40th birthday and on his every birthday, he wakes up early in the morning to get ready for playing golf with his childhood friends. So, Joe gets dressed up, kisses his wife and goes outside. To his dismay, he finds that the weather is gloomy and not suitable for a golf game. He comes back, gets back to his bed and lies down cuddling his wife. He says, 'It's very gloomy outside. It may rain today!' Wife says - 'Is it so? How stupid of my husband, he has gone out to play golf with his friends!'...

Hope you enjoyed all the jokes!