The Spin

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In this week's Spin: Reality check; Living in the shadows.

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IS REALITY ABOUT TO DAWN FOR ENGLAND?

Amid the huge gusts of hot air that have swirled around this series came a refreshing breeze. Andy Flower, the walking definition of sober judgment, pointed out after England had contrived to lose at Headingley in fewer than 200 overs that one of these teams is ranked No1 in the world, the other No5. Logically, then, any England supporter offered 1-1 at the start of the series going into this week's Ashes decider should have said thank you very much and disappeared round the corner to perform a small jig. This summer, though, logic has not been top of the agenda.

In some ways this is merely a symptom of Ashes Fever, where shades of grey give way to black and white: England's victory at Lord's was invested with magical, Fred-like properties, while their defeat in Leeds apparently called into question the mental resilience of an entire nation. Nothing delights the English as much as Aussie haplessness; nothing draws out their masochism as much as, well, English haplessness. Those are the rules. But, really, folks let's get things in perspective (as we head this week towards immortality/utter misery).

Is it just the Spin, or has England's whole summer been tinged with a touch of delusion - the delusion of hope on the one hand and jingoism on the other. The air-brushing of the 2006-07 whitewash is not only a mixed metaphor: it is a dogged attempt to tap into the more favourable narrative of 2005. The more we refer to that summer, goes the fingers-crossed thinking, the more it is likely to repeat itself. This process has involved several key ingredients, of which the belittlement of Nathan Hauritz (10 wickets in three Tests at 32) - serving as a convenient mask for the struggles of Graeme Swann (six in four at 68) - has been symptomatic.

A refusal to face certain facts could well prove England's undoing at the end of it all. Even before the Headingley fiasco, the Australians were so dominant statistically that a 1-0 lead felt like one of cricket's great heists (see New Zealand's series-squaring win at Auckland in 2001-02 for something similar). The obsession with Andrew Flintoff summed things up: a bullocking five-for at Lord's was hyped to the extent that he, and not the more deserving Andrew Strauss, was man of the match, and it was barely remarked upon when he returned to short-of-a-length defensiveness at Edgbaston. The upshot thus far? Seven wickets at nearly 49. (Fear not, though: Piers Morgan says Freddie will save England at The Oval.)

The reality is that England have two batsmen who average over 40 with the bat in this series and none who average under 30 with the ball. Australians who claim England's bowlers got lucky at Lord's and in the first innings at Edgbaston underestimate the ineptitude of their own batsmen in those instances, but the fact remains that on the four occasions England have taken all 10 wickets in this series, Australia passed 400 twice. Some assessments of the English attack have not been quite honest with themselves.

The batting may or may not be perked up by the inclusion of Jonathan Trott for the most high-pressure Test debut of recent years, but England are already on course for one of their most miserable Ashes performances ever. Apart from the low-scoring 1972 series, drawn 2-2, England have not made as few as a single hundred in a five-Test series against Australia since 1912. No one from No3 down has even reached 75. In the circumstances it should be a cause for national rejoicing that the Ashes are still at stake.

That this is the case says much about Australia's own frailties. An English optimist will point out that Shane Watson, Michael Clarke and Marcus North are due failures, that Simon Katich is vulnerable, that Mike Hussey is not in great nick and that Stuart Clark could be about to be dropped again. Then there's Steve Harmison's record at The Oval: 22 wickets in 4½ Tests (Pakistan 2006 is the half) at 26 apiece. The pressure may yet tell.

And yet the realists expect otherwise. Two years ago England went to The Oval needing to beat India to square the series. Michael Vaughan lost the toss and duly conceded 664. A repeat is not out of the question, not least because Ricky Ponting has unfinished business on these shores. If it happens, we shouldn't be too hard on England. After all, what other mid-table side could cope easily with the loss of its best batsman?

In an alternative universe, England would now be lining up with Marcus Trescothick, Vaughan, Pietersen and a fully fit Flintoff. But the real world has proved less forgiving - and, in some cases, less palatable.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"I'm not even a year older than Ramprakash so if he is a chance I must be a chance as well" - Stuart Law, Aussie-turned-Pom, may have been the only half-decent batsman not spoken about ahead of selection last week

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GET YOUR OBO T-SHIRT AND SUPPORT THE LAURIE ENGEL FUND

It may have been cowardly to pray for rain but now it's fashionable too - thanks to David from Tick Tock Design and his brilliant new OBO T-shirts: http://www.cafepress.co.uk/theobo. Proceeds from the sales will go to the Laurie Engel Fund (http://www.laurieengelfund.org), set up in memory of the son of the former Guardian cricket correspondent and Wisden editor Matthew Engel. Laurie died of rare and aggressive form of cancer in 2005, aged 13, and the fund was set up to put money towards a new cancer ward at the Birmingham Children's Hospital.

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EXTRAS

Sometimes you wonder whether a career as a dossier-writer is all it's cracked up to be. Just ask the Spin. Two years ago, when the England management approached your column to put together a top-secret paper entitled "How to bowl to the Aussies", we didn't bank on Freddie dropping his copy on the floor of the MCG bar. When a patriotic Australian shipped the gold-dust to the local radio station, the Spin disappeared quietly to the press box and allowed a member of England's back-room staff to take the rap. It had to be done: the shame of spelling "nick" with a K could have destroyed our reputation.

So there was sympathy from these quarters when Justin Langer sat down to face the press on Twenty20 finals day at Edgbaston over the weekend. Langer, you will recall, has this summer combined a career as county captain with chief critic of All Things English after his dossier on the Poms wormed its way into the press. And thus, asked on Saturday night whether he fancied Australia at The Oval on Thursday, Langer removed the sprig of wattle from between his lips, glanced nervously about him and replied: "Er, yeah. I've learned over the last few weeks I've got to be very careful over what I say or do, so I think it's set up for a brilliant Ashes." What could this mean? Did Langer not really think the series was set up brilliantly? Did he think it was over already? Shame on him.

Not content with this riddle wrapped in an enigma, the hacks tried again. Had he seen much of Jonathan Trott? "Yeah I've played against him here a week or so ago," whispered Langer as a large, bald man wearing a dark suit, shades and a goatee appeared in the shadows. "He looks like a ... I'll keep my thoughts on the England players to myself." But why the coyness? A glance at the one surviving score sheet from that match - the others have mysteriously disappeared - shows Trott made 79 in 121 balls with 13 fours. Perhaps Langer was going to go for the jugular by saying "like a South African". But he'd done enough damage for one week ...

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WIN A COPY OF GOLDEN BOY - THE BIOGRAPHY OF KIM HUGHES

Ever the even-handed cricket email, the Spin gives away books about Aussie cricketers too. This one's by Christian Ryan, who has produced an absolute gem: Golden Boy: Kim Hughes and the Bad Old Days of Australian Cricket. For those of you who remember Hughes as the bloke who cried, this will do wonders for your perspective. First, though - and there was always going to be a catch - you need to answer this:

- How many Test centuries did Hughes score in his 70 appearances?

Answers, as usual, to lawrence.booth@guardian.co.uk by 12 noon on Monday August 24.

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THE WEEK IN CRICKET

· The South Africa fast bowler Dale Steyn is cleared of drug use after the "adverse finding" that cropped up on a test during the Indian Premier League turned out to be the result of taking a painkiller.

· Shahid Afridi's 37-ball 50 plus three cheap wickets for Saeed Ajmal help Pakistan to a comfortable 52-run in their Twenty20 international against Sri Lanka in Colombo. Ajmal is fined 15% of his match fee for giving Kumar Sangakkara a send-off after he got him out.

· Marcus Trescothick rules himself out of a surprise return to Test cricket for Thursday's Ashes decider after having a dream in which he is unable to get his kit out of his England bag and waking up "in a cold sweat".

· England's selectors eventually choose to limit their squad changes for the Brit Oval to dropping Ravi Bopara. Jonathan Trott will bat at No4, with Ian Bell promoted to No3.

· Trott and Bell both make hundreds in the latest round of county championship matches as Warwickshire secure a draw with Nottinghamshire at Trent Bridge after following on. Adil Rashid hits 117 not out and takes five for 41 as Yorkshire thrash Hampshire by an innings and 22 at Basingstoke, while Chris Nash's unbeaten second-innings 100 takes Sussex to an eight-wicket win over struggling Worcestershire at Hove.

· In the other division one game, fellow left-arm spinners Gary Keedy (six for 85) and Ian Blackwell (seven for 85) can't prevent a draw between Lancashire and Durham at Old Trafford.

· A generous declaration from the Middlesex captain, Eoin Morgan, allows Essex to chase 241 to win by five wickets at Lord's, while Northamptonshire are skittled for 90 to lose their game at home to Kent by 238 runs. James Tredwell returns match figures of 10 for 100. Leicestershire draw with Derbyshire at Grace Road.

· John Dyson is sacked as coach of West Indies not long after their former wicket-keeper Jeff Dujon declares: "No coach in the world can help West Indies."

· Hamilton Masakadza hits 102 and Brendan Taylor 94 as Zimbabwe beat Bangladesh by 69 runs in the third ODI at Bulawayo.

· Western Australia ban Luke Pomersbach until the end of the 2010-11 season after he is convicted of assaulting a police officer after crashing a car while over the legal alcohol limit. But his return could be brought forward to January 2010 if he attends the relevant medical and counselling sessions in the meantime.

· Australia warm up for some match on Thursday with a 103-run win in a two-day, one-innings game against England Lions at Canterbury. Shane Watson top-scores with 95 before Brett Lee - still clinging on to the faint hope of a place at the Brit Oval - takes three wickets.

· Sussex win the Twenty20 Cup after Dwayne Smith's 26-ball 59 is enough to see off Somerset by 63 runs in the final. Northamptonshire's semi-final defeat to Sussex means England will have two representatives in October's Champions League in India.

· In a remarkable fourth ODI at Bulawayo, the bespectacled Zimbabwe opener Charles Coventry hits 194 not out, from only 156 balls, to equal Saeed Anwar's one-day international world-record score - and still ends up on the losing side. Zimbabwe's total of 312 for eight (next best score: 37) is overhauled by Bangladesh with 13 balls and four wickets to spare after opener Tamim Iqbal clouts 154 off 138 balls.

· Tillekeratne Dilshan reaches a half-century in only 30 balls on the opening morning of the first Test between Sri Lanka and New Zealand at Galle.

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CONTACT THE SPIN

Email lawrence.booth@guardian.co.uk and feel free to cc. sports.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk while you're at it.

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