Football Transfer Rumours: Sol Campbell Back to Arsenal?

The Mill does not wish to suggest that Cesc Fábregas and Theo Walcott wake up every morning with someone they don't remember meeting and immediately resume trying to quaff multi-coloured cocktails while vomiting off a balcony. No, all we mean when we say that Arsenal sometimes resembles an Ibiza holiday camp is that there are very few people there over the age of 30.

Arséne Wenger, of course, recently made the mistake of hinting he might seek to change that reality by allowing Patrick Vieira to return to the Emirates to act as some kind of inspirational dressing room ornament. Wenger was never likely to follow through on that hint of course, what with Vieira's displays over the last two years having been about as impressive as those of a chilly streaker, but it was enough to allow hacks to begin peddling all sorts of improbable spiel, viz today's claims that Arsenal are to enrich their options in the center of defence by signing ... Sol Campbell.

That would be a retrograde step and no mistake. In truth, Wenger is much more keen on Borussia Dortmund's Neven Subotic, who, being 14 years younger than Campbell, is much more what Wenger is all about. Normally the fact that Everton are also eyeing up the Serbian would not worry an Arsenal manager, but the possibility that David Moyes could be prepared to present Dortmund with most of the £25m he'll get from Manchester City for Joleon Lescott is said to be annoying Wenger to such an extent that he is preparing another one of those outbursts in which he calls for the rules of football to be radically overhauled so as to better conform with whatever suits Arsenal at a given time.

Speaking of Arsenal, they have absolutely nothing to do with the next snippet, which concerns Aston Villa's attempt to relieve Blackburn of their best player. And Martin O'Neill is not alone, for Harry Redknapp and even Roberto Martínez have also ordered minions to do up a batch of bunting and 'Welcome Stephen Warnock' banners. Villa's rise from their summer slumber will continue as they also make moves for Tuncay Sanli and centre back John Mensah, whom Lyon have also offered to Portsmouth.

Carlo Ancelotti, meanwhile, is coming to terms with yet more evidence that his pull in Italy is not as strong as he might have thought. After Andrea Pirlo's people told him to push off, the Chelsea manager has been snubbed by Roma's Daniele de Rossi. Far from consoling himself with the fact that Chelsea don't actually need any more midfielders, Ancelotti will now turn his attention to Erik Huseklepp. At least the Norwegian's wage demands won't be an obstacle – and his bowel movements will be regular – for apparently the 25-year-old only plays for bran. Elsewhere, Martin Petro ... oh hold on, it seems there's been a misunderstanding: when we thought we were reading some reassuring information for Ancelotti concerning Erik Huseklepp, we were in fact reading a bit of patronization of a little Norwegian club, so that last line should have read "... the 25-year-old only plays for Brann."

Right then, word is Martin Petrov reckons his bottom is, so to speak, above Manchester City's bench. So the Bulgarian winger, who'd be a fine signing for someone, wants that someone to come get him pronto. Harry Redknapp is on his bike.

Not only do Bayern Munich continue to resist Chelsea's attempts to wangle Franck Ribéry out of them, but now they've turned the table on the Londoners by demanding they cough up Jose Bosingwa. Chelsea are about to call their bluff, however, take the £15m they've offered and add it to the Ribéry Liberation Fund. Then Roman Abramovich will make Bayern's bosses an offer they can't refuse.

Finally, Villa have been mentioned so little in relation to transfers this summer that it only seems fair we end with another datum about them. Er, Wesley Sneijder has rejected them. He's off to Milan instead.

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