Gordon is Finally Ready for His Close-up

Gordon Brown yesterday outlined a program called Building Britain's Future. Much of it was cosily familiar. I realized that this government is actually living its life backwards, like Benjamin Button in the film, or as if it were in the plot of Martin Amis's novel Time's Arrow.

This would have been a great statement of intent on the first day of a new government. But that was an age ago. So all these fresh, exciting plans are coming out of an administration that is actually stooped and wizened, preparing to shuffle off in its carpet slippers, yet under the crazed impression that it is in the first flush of youth. It is Norma Desmond, finally ready for her close-up.

The plans were not accompanied by any prices, or any indication of where the money is coming from. The prime minister has decided not to share with us his public spending review, or indeed any of his plans for taxes. It was rather like being on a bus when an old bag lady comes in, sits next to you, and tells you how she is going to buy a new flat-screen TV and fly to Barbados on holiday. The effect is sad and pathetic.

There are apparently wonderful things on the way: more housing, more jobs, shorter waiting lists for NHS treatment, free health checks, more investment in technology, and policing "tailored to a community's needs", whatever that might mean.

The question why they had not been able to provide all these over the past 12 years while the economy was doing well was not mentioned. But we did learn that "targets" are to be replaced by something called personal entitlements. Julia Goldsworthy wondered what the difference was. Here is his reply: "We are moving away from national targets ... to people as individuals having personal entitlements that they can enforce."

But how can they be enforced? "They will be enforcible by people in relation to the authorities." What on earth can that mean? We are in a strange, dreamlike world in which everything is promised but almost nothing happens.

The prime minister ended by declaring: "We will not walk away from the British people in these difficult times." I presume that means that he isn't planning on an election. But the whole point about an election is that we have another government. That's how democracy works.

The prime minister talks as if we would suddenly be up the famous brown creek without a helmsman. The situation is rather like this:

British people: That's it! You've really buggered it up now! Clear off and don't come back!

Gordon Brown: No, I will not abandon you in your time of need.