Football Transfer Rumours: Glen Johnson to Liverpool?

The Legacy of Reprocessing in the United Kingdom by Martin Forwood (A research report of the International Panel on Fissile Materials), seven pages worth of averages from somebody's village cricket team, a Daily Mail article detailing the drunken debauchery of champagne-guzzling revelers at the Cannes film festival and an email outlining the itinerary of somebody's stag do in Newcastle.

Some fascinating literature gets printed off and forgotten about in the offices of the Rumour Mill, but nothing so fascinating as the ongoing speculation over the likely wherabouts of Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso when next season gets underway. Florentino Pérez insists that if he's re-elected president of Real Madrid, he'll break the bank to bring Alonso and some young buck named Kaka to the Bernabeu. Quite where this would leave Cristiano Ronaldo is anyone's guess, but then, anything Senor Pérez says should be taken with a pinch of salt, as he wouldn't be the first man in search of votes to promise the electorate the moon on a stick, only to let them down once the contents of the ballot boxes have been counted.

If Alonso does end up in Madrid, any monies earned by Liverpool would help Rafael Benítez finance moves for long-term targets such as Valencia's David Silva, Aston Villa's Gareth Barry, Portsmouth's Glen Johnson and Kia Joorabchian's Carlos Tevez. Benítez could have a bit of a skirmish on his hands as he faces competition for the scrawls of both Barry and Johnson by Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp, who will have to offer both men considerably higher salaries to make up for the lack of Champions League and booze-quaffing opportunities on offer to players who call White Hart Lane home.

Wigan is the focus of hitherto unprecedented interest from money-men from Manchester United, Bayern Munich and Real Madrid. The £21m-rated Wigan winger Antonio Valencia is the player who's got their antennae twitching and while his manager Steve Bruce is resigned to losing his best player, he's not prepared to hazard a guess as to where he'll end up. "Would he be tempted by Spain? I don't know. Bayern Munich are also a huge club in Germany," he said, showing the kind of football savvy that's made him one of the country's most highly respected managers.

If Middlesbrough get relegated on Sunday, Robert Huth, Tuncay, Gary O'Neil and David Wheater will all be put up for sale, although the £9m price-tag hung around Wheater's ear has already scared away Alex McLeish. "Do you want a bargain?" he asked himself. "Yes. But we think they'll be looking for £8m-£9m, and it would be difficult for us to pay that," said the Birmingham City manager who, when he's finished talking to himself, will take soon-to-be free agent Bob Balde from Celtic instead.

With Gordon Strachan rumored to be thinking of leaving Celtic whether or not they win the SPL title this weekend, David Moyes is being touted as his possible successor. But despite beginning his playing career at Parkhead, the Everton manager is believed to be happy where he is at the moment, unlike Joseph Yobo, whose descent down the Goodison Park pecking order wouldn't necessarily put off Arsène Wenger, a manager in dire need of an experienced center-half.

Heard any transfer speculation of your own? We're listening ...