Bully for Poor Gordon Brown

Bears in Tudor times, supply teachers, the Elephant Man – they all got taunted dreadfully and it was an unpleasant, disconcerting sight. It isn't much prettier when it's done to Gordon Brown. If he wasn't still capable of delivering the odd cuff in retaliation, it would be even more squirm-making.

Take Stephen Crabb, the MP for Preseli Pembrokeshire. Like other Tories he has seized happily on the reports of Brown's temper tantrums at No 10. Apparently, office equipment goes flying at frequent intervals and some of the language would bring a blush to the cheeks of a Millwall fan.

Crabb began with a seemingly innocent question about what Brown intended to do about bullying in the workplace, then added "… given the reliable reports of a senior Whitehall boss throwing around mobile phones and printers and swearing at switchboard operators".

The prime minister took a moment to cotton on, then he looked absolutely furious (as opposed to when he met Joanna Lumley: he apparently turned on the charm and she decided he was absolutely fabulous. It seems he threw nothing at her, expect possibly for a few smaller items such as a memory stick and a Sellotape dispenser). He scowled with rage, then grunted: "Mr Speaker, any complaints are dealt with in the usual manner."

What did that mean? That he is considering whether to sack himself for inappropriate behavior? Or was it more sinister? If anyone complains that they have just got a Hewlett-Packard 4250 in the kisser, will they lose their job – or worse? But he can't really handle it: he didn't deny it and he didn't have a snappy comeback.

Earlier, it was David Cameron who had taken the opportunity to jab him with a pointed stick. The government was in terminal decline, he said. And what was Hazel Blears, who came up with the "mocking" line "YouTube if you want to" at the weekend, still doing in the cabinet? "Where is she?" cried the Tories. From our corner of the press gallery we could see Miss Pepperpot hiding shyly beside the speaker's chair, like a small woodland creature who has heard the cries of the hunters and has decided to retreat to the safety of her burrow.

Cameron quoted her article at length, accompanied by a scholarly exegesis of what it actually meant. He accused the prime minister of U-turns. Brown accused him of the biggest U-turn of the lot: "Compassionate Conservatism – it has gone, gone and gone."

This was meant to sound devastating, but verged on the silly. "I am sure that sounded just great in the bunker, while the mobile phones and printers were flying around the room," said Cameron. Brown looked a very unhappy bear.