Sarah Palin By Kaylene Johnson

This is the story of a modern-day David and Goliath, the hockey mom who took on the good old boys of the Alaska Republican party and came away with $150,000 worth of clothes. And I am proud to be her friend. I mean, her biographer.

Sarah was the third of four children born to Chuck and Sally Heath. The family moved to Alaska when Sarah was two months old and she and her siblings agree their childhood was filled with happy memories. "Our home was always full of pets," says sister Molly, "though few lasted long once Sarah got her hands on the AK-47."

At school, Sarah stood out as one of the brightest children. "I could tell she would go far," remembers former geography teacher, George Bush. "She was the only one who could identify Iraqistan on a map." Sarah's potential was realized when she came seventh in the Wasilla Miss Congeniality competition in 1979.

Faith has always had a profound influence on Sarah's life. Like her siblings she was baptized a Catholic but she went on to find a more meaningful path to God after joining her father on an expedition to Mount McKinley. "We came across a perfectly preserved dinosaur skeleton that was only 3,000 years old," she explains. "I realized the creation story must be true and I joined the Wasilla Assembly of God."

Sarah went to university in Hawaii but she left after two terms because she missed her high school beau, Todd Palin. She and Todd were married in 1988 and quickly had four children: Track, named after the track and field athletics season; Bristol, after the bay on which they lived; Willow, after a local town; and Piper Indy, after Todd's plane. Their fifth child was born in 2008. "We called him Trig, short for Trigger," she says, "as I'll shoot anyone who says the baby was really Bristol's."

Although family has always been the centre of Sarah's life, she felt it was her civic duty to stand for mayor of Wasilla in 1996 and, after a tense campaign in which she personally canvassed every voter, she was narrowly elected by seven votes to four. Sarah was shocked by the corruption she found in the city council and won widespread support for her environmental politics.

"I was disgusted the oil companies did so little for the local wildlife," she says. "So I made it my business to shoot as many polar bears as possible. It's only when a species has become endangered that you can get people to take its survival seriously."

While looking out at the Kremlin from her office window in Wasilla, Sarah decided it was time to join the big leagues. First, she accepted an invitation from Nicolas Sarkozy to twin Wasilla with Paris and then in 2002 she was urged by friends to challenge for lieutenant governor of Alaska.

She didn't win the nomination but won the hearts of the Alaskan people. She was rewarded with a key appointment to the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission and her tenacious campaigning for transparency resulted in Governor Murkowski receiving a record fine of $14 for calling her a "pitbull in lipstick".

By 2006, Sarah had become an unstoppable force in Alaskan politics and her stunning slogan, "I don't have any policies", proved irresistible to an electorate desperate for change. She took the Republican party into a new era when she was elected state governor. "I am starting as I mean to continue," she said in her inaugural address. "So my first act is to sack the commissioner for public safety for failing to get rid of trooper Wooten for being my ex brother-in-law whom no one in the family likes any more."

Palin's commitment to honesty has seen her approval ratings remain high and we all can't wait to see what she does next.

Note to publisher: I didn't include any stuff about becoming McCain's running mate as it didn't seem very interesting or relevant to Alaskan politics.

Note from publisher: Don't worry, we're only looking to make a quick buck. We'll just paste in her vice-presidential acceptance speech I've copied from the internet to make it look contemporary.

The digested read, digested:God Bless America.