Tory Jeers Fall on Deaf Ears

Heavens, was it only a month ago that David Cameron promised to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Gordon Brown to solve our economic problems? Well, that didn't last long. Yesterday the prime minister reported on his trip to Washington for the G20 summit. If he had come back clinically insane, dressed as the back half of a pantomime horse, he could not have attracted more derision from the Tory benches.

"What is making this a worldwide crisis," Mr Brown said, "is a problem that started in America."

"Noooo!" howled the Tories. Mr Brown clearly enjoyed this reaction, because he said much the same a few moments later: "... as epitomized in the subprime crisis, which started in America," he said, and once again the Tories bayed like werewolves seeing the moon go behind a cloud.

There was, he claimed, a worldwide consensus to do what he wanted to do. All political parties agreed, "with only a few exceptions," he said, glowering at the Tories.

The Opposition claimed to be outraged. The prime minister was offering us "a borrowing bombshell". Meanwhile, the pound was crashing. The leaders began a war of quotes, always a sign that they are more interested in quick party advantage than in doing anything useful. David Cameron said that "a weak currency is a sign of a weak economy, which is the sign of a weak government - not the words of George Osborne, but the prime minister when he was shadow chancellor!"

Mr Brown wheeled out his most fearsome weapon, the ballista which he hoped would end the siege, the one name designed to shock all Tories into silence. "Listen to the words of Lady Thatcher, who complained about people trying to help speculators by talking the currency down in a very un-British way!" Actually, the pound was up slightly yesterday. It may be a sign of Mr Osborne's current weakness that when he is accused of talking the currency down, it actually rises. As he goes round saying, in effect, "doomed, we are all doomed!" people think, "oh, well, can't be so bad after all".

As for the government's plans to attach life-giving electrodes to the economy, Mr Cameron continued, "everyone knows that the chancellor is proposing a Christmas tax giveaway. But tax cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas!"

Mr Brown is in the position of a man trying to jump start a car on top of a mountain - he has only one chance to get it right. For some reason he started blathering about the prime minister of Canada. The Tories jeered so loud that one of them, Nicholas Soames, had to be called to order by the Speaker, so we had the amusing sight of two angry, red-faced men shouting at each other.

Help was at hand. Sir Peter Tapsell rose majestically to support the government's Keynesian strategy - apparently. The prime minister was touchingly grateful. "He was joking!" yelled someone, possibly David Cameron. But Sir Peter did not look in jocular mood. I suspect he meant it. But like the oracle at Delphi his prognostications could mean anything. It all depends on the interpretation.