Croatia v England - Live!

And we're off! England take possession of the ball and almost immediately lose it. Heskey falls over. I'm spotting trends before they even happen.



Anyway, the teams are coming out. Whistles greet God Save Our Queen. It makes the dirge much, much more interesting to listen to. Then the Croat number, and it's quite pumped full of its own self-importance. Which is kind of the point of anthems, I guess. Speaking of national arrogance, here's Hrvoje from Zagreb: "In last two days I've learned to admire English folk more than ever before. The Croatian media have gone berserk with euphoriaand arrogance. Unbeaten on home turf, beaten only once in WC qualifiers, Becks is old, Rooney not in the mood, we've improved our game since Euro (where we didn't triumph only by accident), blahblahblah... So I wonder, how did You in England manage to survive this atmosphere of absolute superiority over, well, pretty much any team on Earth for more than a century of international football?" Absolute superiority? Absolute superiora ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho oh dear me. There's an idea. Basically what the English did is refuse to play anyone foreign for nearly 100 years, then have 13 goals put past them by Hungary, then fluke a very boring and defensive World Cup, then strut about in an increasingly deluded manner for the best part of 40 years. And then Steve McClaren. Oh you've got it all to come.



You may have noticed our MBM tools are jiggered. So sue us!*

* Please do not sue us



And this is what the hosts Croatia look like: Pletikosa, Simunic, Robert Kovac, Corluka, Pranjic, Rakitic, Petric, Nico Kovac, Srna, Modric, Olic.Subs: Runje, Krizanac, Mandzukic, Pokrivac, Knezevic, Leko, Klasnic.



Let's not faff around, here's the England team: James, Brown, Terry, Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, Walcott, Lampard, Barry, Joe Cole, Rooney, Heskey.Subs: Robinson, Johnson, Beckham, Downing, Defoe, Upson, Jenas.



Let's not faff around, here's the England team: James, Brown, Terry, Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, Walcott, Lampard, Barry, Joe Cole, Rooney, Heskey.Subs: Robinson, Johnson, Beckham, Downing, Defoe, Upson, Jenas.



Let's not faff around, here's the England team: James, Brown, Terry, Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, Walcott, Lampard, Barry, Joe Cole, Rooney, Heskey.Subs: Robinson, Johnson, Beckham, Downing, Defoe, Upson, Jenas.