20 reasons why you suck at golf

With carpet like fairways, majestic trees, manicured greens, and fluffy sand bunkers, the game of golf brings out feelings of tranquility, harmony, respect and tradition.

As a game once described by Winston Churchill as being "a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose," it also brings out swearing, frustration, increased blood pressure and shame.

For most of us, in spite of a life time of dedication to the golf range, the golf course, the golf channel and the assortment of golf magaines and gurus, we will still suck at it.

Here are the top 20 reasons why you also suck at golf.

1. You only ever hit a range ball on any hole with a water hazard.
2. You're used to hearing muffled laughter after teeing off on the 1st with people watching.
3. Your drives rarely pass the red ladies markers.
4. You think an 8 is a really good score.
5. You regularly need to repair divots after putting.
6. You still have a bright yellow or orange Top Flight golf ball in your bag.
7. You still have a pink lady golf ball in your bag.
8. You need to use your sand bucket to replace the hole you left in the bunker.
9. You have golf balls in your bag with red stripes on them.
10. You have a "magic pencil."
11. You searched for "Charles Barkley Golf swing" to get some tips.
12. You go to Yahoo answers to ask for golf swing advice.
13. You consider hitting the neighboring fairway to be a good thing.
14. You can accurately guess the age of a tree by the sound your ball makes hitting it.
15. Your score is higher than weight.
16. Your handicap and your score for 9 holes are roughly the same.
17. Your last name is Mulligan.
18. The temperature is the only thing about your score that will ever be in the 70s.
19. Your story of loss at the water hazard involves an entire set of golf clubs.
20. All the caddies scurry back into the caddyshack and hide when you arrive.

If any of these 20 reasons resonate, well then it's official -- you suck at golf.

Matt Canham has been playing golf since the age of 7, has Caddied for Pros and worked for many years with his late Father, Australian PGA Member and Teaching Pro, Peter Canham. He has written 2 ebooks on golf and offers a free ebook titled "Introduction to Golf" at http://marinerblue.com/golf-improvement.html