Tuesday's Rumours: Louis Saha to West Ham?

According to Greek legend the Sahasisis still exists. A fearful creature, half-man, half-flower, it totters around training grounds by dawn and pulls up injured by dusk. The curious beast has rarely been seen, least of all on match days, but sometimes, on still summer afternoons, its wistful sighs waft through the air, inducing pity and strange yearning in the hearts of well-meaning managers.

None of which, of course, has anything to do with suggestions that wise recruiters West Ham are feeling an irresistible longing to sacrifice £10m in a bid to coax an apparition from Louis Saha. Recent tradition dictates, of course, that when the Hammers sign a player with a history of unfortunate frailty, they balance it by also signing one with a past of fiendish misadventure. So come on down, El-Hadji Diouf.

Claudio Ranieri knows a thing or two about history and, indeed, is determined to recreate his Chelsea past. So he's preparing the Old Lady of Turin for entry by not only Wayne Bridge but also Damien Duff. Insiders have hinted it is only a matter of time before Juventus also send out search parties for Jurgen Macho and Slavisa Jokanovic.

Speaking of Chelsea, Jose Mourinho is believed to be priming his press lackeys to deliver a Thursday sermon in which (a) he receives all the credit for the club's Champions League triumph or (b) Manchester United's victory is hailed as a divine denunciation of the heretical sackers of the Special One. After that, if the French media are to be believed, the Portugeezer will prove his own divinity by appearing simultaneously in Lyon and Paris Saint-Germain, where he will agree to become the clubs' new managers. If for some mysterious reason this prophecy isn't fulfilled, Lyon will instead turn to Laurent Blanc. And PSG will burn in hell.

Multi-talented Sporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso will spend two seconds trying to be polite to Newcastle before giving serious thought to approaches from Manchester United and Arsenal.

Manchester United want Daniel Alves to become the new Wes Brown.

Hatem Ben Arfa's inconsistent season means Arsenal's interest in him has waned – so instead the 20-year-old conjurer will leave Lyon to join Marseille, in place of Samir Nasri, who isoff to Arsenal.

Manchester City's meltdown means Everton can muscle in on their deal for CSKA Brazilian striker Jo. Aston Villa are hoping to outdo that by unearthing a prolific front man whose name consists of just one letter.

Newcastle are on the prowl for a proven Premier League goalscorer, and Djibril Cissé. Kevin Keegan is also hoping to lure Stuttgart's Mario Gomez to the club who are a millions miles away from the big four. This summer he'll also submit an £8m bid for Carlos Cuéllar of SPL runners-up Rangers.