Wigan 0-1 Man Utd

57 min: Rooney hassles Boyce in the Wigan box and nearly breaks clear on goal, but is pulled up for handball. Both players appear to have handled it during the tussle, neither deliberately, which is enough for Rooney to get the funk on. He's booked for screaming in the referee's face.

55 min: Rooney toepokes the ball past an advancing Kirkland... but wide of the left-hand post. United are turning the screw here.

53 min: Steve Bennett is utterly useless. Now he denies United a clear penalty, as Bramble chases a ball just to the right of the goal alongside Scholes, slides in, misses it completely and takes the man out. That was clear-cut as to be untrue. This is one of the worst refereeing performances I've ever MBM'd on, and I covered Croatia v Australia in the last World Cup.

51 min: Palacios tugs at Ronaldo's arm, Ronaldo flaps at Palacios's face. Calm down, everyone.

48 min: Tevez is hacked down 30 yards from goal; you can't blame the referee for giving that one. Ronaldo steps up and whips the ball goalwards; it's straight at Kirkland though and tipped over. The resulting corner is pretty terrible. Wigan haven't started this half yet.

47 min: "You think Steve Bennett's decisions are questionable?" writes Wigan fan Danny Whitehead. "The local TV station here in the Democratic Republic of Congo has chosen to go with Portsmouth v Fulham, while BBC World radio has Wigan v Man U ... in Kiswahili. I don't understand what's happening, but I still know we're going to nick an equaliser." Not sure I share your faith; Wigan have hardly touched the ball so far this half. United are stroking it around with supreme confidence

And we really are off again! No changes. It's been absolutely thrashing it down at the JJB, where a huge pond has replaced the pitch. Men have been attacking it with forks, but to little effect.

And we're off again! Er... no we're not. It's been agreed to delay the start of the second half until 4.08pm, to co-ordinate with the game at Stamford Bridge, in the wake of John Terry breaking his arm and being scooped onto a stretcher.

Half time: Wigan 0-1 Man Utd. The players walk off the pitch. The referee drives off it in a collapsing car with square wheels. Honk honk! Don't smell his funny flower! "Fergie may have made some terrible selection choices recently, but he got this one right," says Ray Kelly. "Steve Bennett was the only choice on a day like this." Anyway, the guardian.co.uk/sport Official Patented Hobson's Choice-o-meter®, which I totally forgot about: A

44 min: What a tackle from Koumas. United are four on two, with Tevez clear down the right and Rooney, Scholes and Ronaldo racing down the middle. But the Wigan midfielder romps back, gaining about 20 yards on Tevez in what seemed like milliseconds, and sliding in to save the day. United should at least have created a chance there; it could easily have been 2-0.

42 min: Tevez skidaddles free down the left and fizzes in a low shot-cum-cross which Kirkland does well to claim at the second grasp, Rooney rushing in should he fumble.

39 min: The crowd are booing Scholes every time he gets the ball, and no wonder. Steve Bennett has delivered a masterclass in clowning. The decision not to send Scholes off was utterly scandalous.

35 min: This is a truly disgraceful decision by Steve Bennett, who has totally bottled it. Palacios tears down the right and is cynically bodychecked by Scholes - who has already been booked. He simply has to go - but doesn't, Bennett opting to have a nice chat with him instead. Absolutely outrageous, especially in the light of the penalty Wigan never got.

33 min: TITLE-DECIDING GOAL!!! Wigan 0-1 Man Utd. ...strokes the ball into the right-hand side of the net, Kirkland going the wrong way after being given the eyes. That could well be the title.

32 min: PENALTY TO UNITED! With the ball bouncing around in the Wigan area, Boyce hacks Rooney down with a witless challenge. Wigan can complain that they didn't get their decision, but nevertheless that was a no-brainer. Ronaldo steps up and...

30 min: It's lashing down at the JJB. Expect the pitch to concertina up in ten minutes or so.

28 min: Ronaldo scoots clear down the right and gently bounces the ball right across the face of the Wigan goal. If Tevez had his gameface on there, he'd have bundled home, but he's back on his heels and Kirkland is able to let the dangerous cross bounce out wide left for a goal kick.

25 min: Ronaldo takes a free kick from nearly 40 yards out. It nearly goes in as well, Kirkland (no cap now, what on earth is he playing at) being forced to parry the low ball away to the left. United are beginning to exert some real pressure now.

23 min: Nowt comes of the Wigan corner. United go straight up the other end and so nearly add insult to injury, Ronaldo finding space in the area on the right and cutting the ball back into the centre where Rooney and Scholes await. Luckily for Wigan Scharner is on hand to get a toe in, and Kirkland, who has his cap on again, picks up.

22 min: That should have been a penalty to Wigan, as Brown attempts a curler from the edge of the area. It's heading towards the top right corner, but Ferdinand intervenes and nudges the ball out for a corner with the top of his arm. Lucky boy, that could easily have been given.

20 min: Van der Sar needlessly conceds a corner, tipping a weak, high header over the bar. And from it Wigan nearly score, Heskey heading a deep cross from the left back into the danger zone, Boyce hacking a decent chance over the bar. This is turning into quite an open game.

19 min: That was a lot better, though. Tevez forces a corner down the left. It's swung in and headed clear by Valencia, but only to Scholes, who shimmies past two challenges before dragging a daisycutter just wide right.

18 min: United are enjoying a lot of the ball in midfield, but not doing very much with it up front.

15 min: Carrick flings the ball into the area from the right. Rooney nearly manages to get his foot on it six yards out, as Bramble and Scharner take an age to deal with it; Bramble hacks out for a corner. From which Ferdinand is offered a free header on the right-hand edge of the six-yard box. He heads high and wide, much to Wigan's relief.

13 min: Scholes looks for Rooney with a long ball and nearly sets him away but last man Bramble heads clear. Good work all round. Seconds later Scholes is booked for coming straight through the back of Palacios; that was a no-brainer for the referee.

10 min: Ronaldo finds an inch or two down the left and swings a cross into the centre looking for Scholes, but it's too near the keeper. Speaking of whom, Kirkland no longer has his hat on. "Mathematically, Derby County could still win the Premier League," insists LSD victim Ben Bamford, "providing the other 19 teams go into administration in breach of FA regulations and each get 75 points deducted (and Man Utd still lose to Wigan, of course)."

7 min: United's first effort on goal, and it's not on goal, Ronaldo slicing wide right from outside the area when he had a bit more time than he thought. Kirkland, who has got a hat on, hip hip hip hooray, doesn't need to move a muscle.

6 min: United give Koumas way too much room in the midfield, Carrick and Scholes allowing him to storm straight down the centre of the pitch and take a (terrible, but that's not the point) swipe at goal. This isn't a particularly confident start from United.

4 min: Heskey powers past Vidic and Evra down the inside-right channel - a wonderful, determined run - but once in space and with time to think, panics and shanks his cross into the stands. His career in microcosm, right there.

2 min: United start slightly nervously, the returning Vidic weakly hacking a cross clear; Brown latches onto the ball and takes a pop from just outside the area. It's not worth describing, and Van der Sar snaffles the effort without fuss.

And we really are off this time! Bennett can't be doing with hanging around, so blows his whistle to get things moving anyway. A lot of aimless hoofing by both sides ensues.

And we're off! Ah hold on, no we're not. There's a bit of a delay at Chelsea, who by all accounts can't be bothered to come out of their changing room, so referee Steve Bennett is holding things up for a while, in order to ensure both games kick off at the same time.

It's team analysis time: "What!? Saha is fit?" splutters Archi Campbell. "If that's possible then I still wouldn't rule out Chelsea winning 20-0 to claim the title on goal difference." There is that, though look! Titus Bramble's playing only his second game back from injury since January for Manchester United legend Steve Bruce's Wigan. This is already over. United three up at half time and we can all go out to catch some rays.

Weather update: It's still 28 degrees out there. Go on, run along to the park, have a Pimms, fling a frisbee, read a novel, we really don't mind.

Chelsea can be grateful for small mercies, as Kevin Kilbane's not playing: Kirkland, Boyce, Bramble, Scharner, Figueroa, Valencia,Palacios, Brown, Koumas, Bent, Heskey.Subs: Pollitt, Sibierski, Taylor, King, Skoko.

Wayne Rooney's back, now there's a surprise: Van der Sar, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Scholes, Park, Tevez, Rooney.Subs: Kuszczak, Hargreaves, Saha, Giggs, Silvestre.

Referee: Steve Bennett (Kent)