Wigan 0-0 Man Utd

28 min: Ronaldo scoots clear down the right and gently bounces the ball right across the face of the Wigan goal. If Tevez had his gameface on there, he'd have bundled home, but he's back on his heels and Kirkland is able to let the dangerous cross bounce out wide left for a goal kick.

25 min: Ronaldo takes a free kick from nearly 40 yards out. It nearly goes in as well, Kirkland (no cap now, what on earth is he playing at) being forced to parry the low ball away to the left. United are beginning to exert some real pressure now.

23 min: Nowt comes of the Wigan corner. United go straight up the other end and so nearly add insult to injury, Ronaldo finding space in the area on the right and cutting the ball back into the centre where Rooney and Scholes await. Luckily for Wigan Scharner is on hand to get a toe in, and Kirkland, who has his cap on again, picks up.

22 min: That should have been a penalty to Wigan, as Brown attempts a curler from the edge of the area. It's heading towards the top right corner, but Ferdinand intervenes and nudges the ball out for a corner with the top of his arm. Lucky boy, that could easily have been given.

20 min: Van der Sar needlessly conceds a corner, tipping a weak, high header over the bar. And from it Wigan nearly score, Heskey heading a deep cross from the left back into the danger zone, Boyce hacking a decent chance over the bar. This is turning into quite an open game.

19 min: That was a lot better, though. Tevez forces a corner down the left. It's swung in and headed clear by Valencia, but only to Scholes, who shimmies past two challenges before dragging a daisycutter just wide right.

18 min: United are enjoying a lot of the ball in midfield, but not doing very much with it up front.

15 min: Carrick flings the ball into the area from the right. Rooney nearly manages to get his foot on it six yards out, as Bramble and Scharner take an age to deal with it; Bramble hacks out for a corner. From which Ferdinand is offered a free header on the right-hand edge of the six-yard box. He heads high and wide, much to Wigan's relief.

13 min: Scholes looks for Rooney with a long ball and nearly sets him away but last man Bramble heads clear. Good work all round. Seconds later Scholes is booked for coming straight through the back of Palacios; that was a no-brainer for the referee.

10 min: Ronaldo finds an inch or two down the left and swings a cross into the centre looking for Scholes, but it's too near the keeper. Speaking of whom, Kirkland no longer has his hat on. "Mathematically, Derby County could still win the Premier League," insists LSD victim Ben Bamford, "providing the other 19 teams go into administration in breach of FA regulations and each get 75 points deducted (and Man Utd still lose to Wigan, of course)."

7 min: United's first effort on goal, and it's not on goal, Ronaldo slicing wide right from outside the area when he had a bit more time than he thought. Kirkland, who has got a hat on, hip hip hip hooray, doesn't need to move a muscle.

6 min: United give Koumas way too much room in the midfield, Carrick and Scholes allowing him to storm straight down the centre of the pitch and take a (terrible, but that's not the point) swipe at goal. This isn't a particularly confident start from United.

4 min: Heskey powers past Vidic and Evra down the inside-right channel - a wonderful, determined run - but once in space and with time to think, panics and shanks his cross into the stands. His career in microcosm, right there.

2 min: United start slightly nervously, the returning Vidic weakly hacking a cross clear; Brown latches onto the ball and takes a pop from just outside the area. It's not worth describing, and Van der Sar snaffles the effort without fuss.

And we really are off this time! Bennett can't be doing with hanging around, so blows his whistle to get things moving anyway. A lot of aimless hoofing by both sides ensues.

And we're off! Ah hold on, no we're not. There's a bit of a delay at Chelsea, who by all accounts can't be bothered to come out of their changing room, so referee Steve Bennett is holding things up for a while, in order to ensure both games kick off at the same time.

It's team analysis time: "What!? Saha is fit?" splutters Archi Campbell. "If that's possible then I still wouldn't rule out Chelsea winning 20-0 to claim the title on goal difference." There is that, though look! Titus Bramble's playing only his second game back from injury since January for Manchester United legend Steve Bruce's Wigan. This is already over. United three up at half time and we can all go out to catch some rays.

Weather update: It's still 28 degrees out there. Go on, run along to the park, have a Pimms, fling a frisbee, read a novel, we really don't mind.

Chelsea can be grateful for small mercies, as Kevin Kilbane's not playing: Kirkland, Boyce, Bramble, Scharner, Figueroa, Valencia,Palacios, Brown, Koumas, Bent, Heskey.Subs: Pollitt, Sibierski, Taylor, King, Skoko.

Wayne Rooney's back, now there's a surprise: Van der Sar, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Scholes, Park, Tevez, Rooney.Subs: Kuszczak, Hargreaves, Saha, Giggs, Silvestre.

Referee: Steve Bennett (Kent)