Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea

Peep! Peep! Peep! Well, well, well. It's all over and Liverpool fans and players are completely shell-shocked. Riise looks distraught, which isn't surprising as he may well get pummeled to death by 10 angry team-mates wielding bars of soap in their socks when he emerges from the showers.



Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea (Riise og 90+4) A sensational finish, as John Arne Riuise turns a Florent Malouda cross from the left wing into his own net with a near post diving header. He was under pressure from Nicolas Anelka and it was a dangerous cross that needed to be dealt with, but dropping to his knees and sending an unstoppable header past Jose Reina probably wasn't the best way of helping.



90+1 min: John Terry gets booked, quite fairly, for a body-check on Javier Mascherano. Terry, Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher will be sweating next week, when a booking for any of the trio in the second leg would rule them out of any final their team might qualify for.



91 min: "Thanks to Neale Beck with for the tip about the narrow view," writes Damien Sinda. "It has the added benefit of enabling me to be able to simultaneously keep an eye on what I'm actually supposed to be doing here at work this evening."



88 min: Not long left now, so here's some more smut. "Whenever I have been to a game and heard the chant 'Going down, going down, going down!' I always assumed it was to taunt a team in the relegation zone," writes Charles O. "Melissa's e-mail now explains the real meaning. Thanks for putting me right after all these years."



86 min: A corner kick for Liverpool after Fernando Torres beat the Chelsea offside trap to latch on to a Steven Gerrard pass from the center-circle. With 40 yards to the goal and only Petr Cech to beat, Torres miscontrols the ball and leaves it behind him.



84 min: At the corner on the right-hand side of the Chelsea penalty area, a deft touch enables Steven Gerrard to cut inside Claude Makelele. The ball bounces in front of him and he sends a volley fizzing towards the top corner of near post and crossbar. Petr Cech palms it over the bar.



82 min: Chelsea corner, which is swung in to the box. With his back to Bepe Reina, John Terry holds off the keeper and weakly hooks the dropping ball over his shoulder, so it's slowly rolling goalwards. The referee penalises Terry for no reason whatsoever. Free-kick for Liverpool.



79 min: What has been a fairly lively and entertaining second-half up to now is starting to get scrappy. The players are getting tired and a lot of niggly fouls are being committed. I suppose if the score stays as it is, both teams will be fairly satisfied with the outcome. considering Michael Essien is suspended and how poorly some of their star-turns have performed tonight, Chelsea will probably be a lot more pleased than their hosts.



77 min: "When the Liverpool fans were chanting 'Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!', were they barracking Drogba or trying to cheer on Steven Gerrard?" inquires Simon Jenkins. That's gold.



76 min: Liverpool substitution: Babbel, who's played well, off, Yossi Benayoun on.



74 min: Drogba chests down a long pass into the penalty area and takes on Carragher, who gets shoved to the ground. Free-kick for Liverpool.



72 min: "I don't know about Marie, but for me, going down or staying up certainly depends on which strong athletic man you're talking about," writes Melissa, a university lecturer in the US of A. "Variety does make the game more exciting, you know."



66 min: Florent Malouda spurns a half-decent opportunity to put Chelsea level, then shortly afterwards, Didier Drogba nudges Riise and flings himself to the ground a couple of yards outside the Liverpool penalty area. "Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!" chant the occupants of the Kop. They're not wrong.



64 min: Ballack, Drogba and Lampard are all looking a little ring-rusty tonight, which is hardly surprising considering they've missed a lot of training for various reasons in recent weeks. Frank Lampard incurs the derision of the Kop when, running on to a Drogba pull-back from the edge of the six-yard box, his leaden-footed touch thumps the ball into an advertising hoarding.



62 min: Chelsea substitution: Avram Grant decides to inject some pace by replacing Joe Cole with Salomon Kalou. Liveprool's players and supporters appeal for a penalty when a Dirk Kuyt cross hit him on the arm. No spot-kick is forthcoming.



61 min: Liverpool substitution: Left-back Fabiano Aurelio is stretchered off with what looks like a fairly nasty groin injury sustained in a tussle with Joe Cole. John Arne Riise replaces him.



57 min: Coming infield on his favorite right foot, Ryan Babbel tees himself up before sending a dipping drive fizzing past Petr Cech and a foot wide of the upright. Great effort.

"Anyone who wants to avoid the ads should drag the bottom corner and get a narrow view. Just like the teams on field," writes Neale Beckwith. In the interest of keeping my job, I should probably add that those adverts help pay my wages, so everybody should look at them, click on them and purchase whatever is on offer.



55 min: The camera pans to Chelsea manager Avram Grant, who's sitting in the dugout looking grim. It's heartening to see that he's not letting the fact that his side is a goal down affect his mood.

"Torres may live, but England's Brave John Terry really should be above such things," writes Marie Meyer, who adds that "you and Craig McEwan are children."



54 min: "Barry, to update your statistics, Liverpool and Chelsea have now played 615 minutes of Footie and scored an incredible four goals, dropping the minutes-per-goal stat to a jaw-dropping 153.75 from 190," writes Satyajit Mujumdar. "This is exciting stuff."



51 min: Javier Mascherano picks out Ryan Babbel on the left wing with an inch-perfect 50-yard pass. The Dutchman gallops down the wing before driving a low cross into the Chelsea penalty area. It's half-cleared, but teed up nicely for Xabi Alonso, whose 25 yard effort is deflected out for a corner from which nothing comes.



48 min: Fernando Torres stays down injured in the Chelsea penalty area after taking a shoeing in the ribs from John Terry that may or may not have been accidental. He'd dived in to try and prod a loose ball goal wards, only to see it cleared by Paulo Ferreira before he could make contact. Didier Drogba puts the ball out of play so that Torres can get treatment. He'll live.

"Behave yourself Barry! Marie Meyer obviously prefers strong men who can stay up!" writes Craig McEwan. Snigger, snigger. Good God has it really come to this.



46 min: Didier Drogba, who's been poor tonight, rampages through the center only to dispossessed by Martin Skrtel, who clears. Good defending. Moments later, Florent Malouda goes on a sortie down the left flank. Alvaro Arbeloa puts a stop to his gallop and clears his lines.



45 min: No changes on either side as Chelsea get the second half underway.



Half-time correspondence

"I can only assume Garrett Thomas' favorite Hicks-owned team is NHL outfit the Dallas Stars, who unlike Liverpool still have a shot at a title having won their opening playoff series," writes Nick Einhorn. "Proof that Liverpool's league failure is not entirely Hicks' fault."

"Christ Barry I have been wandering around in super duper inter web world trying to find this MBM," writes John Quinn in Belfast. "Who moved all the furniture on the site? Sean Ingle needs a good boot in the root! Have I missed anything?"

"I've just been watching the replays of Kuyt's goal," writes Marie Mayer. "How many other players would have happily gone done in that situation? Well done him." Marie Meyer, a lady who doesn't appreciate strong, athletic men going down. Isn't that nice?

"I am a lecturer at a university here in the US," writes JS. "My classes always meet on Champions League match days during the game. Three of my students sit in the back of the hall using their laptops to hook into an internet connection and follow a certain paper's MBM coverage of the events. As a football fan, I appreciate their zeal and usually quietly remind them that my information will be on the exam - not the textual shenanigans they are intent on reading. Nevertheless, I feel particularly hard done by today as my lectures are certainly not as predictably dour as Liverpool v. Chelsea."

Well JS, looks like you've thrown in the towel and bagged one of those internet jacks for yourself. Good for you - if you can't beat them, join them. Perhaps you should take your class to the nearest bar for a few pints instead - I'm sure they'd appreciate that.



It's half-time in the first leg: Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea



GOAL! Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea (Kuyt 40) A shocking, comical attempt at a clearance from Claude Makelele allows Kuyt to squeeze in behind him, latch on to a Mascherano miskick and smash the ball through Petr Cech's legs at the near post from about three yards out.

It was the scrappiest, messiest goal you'll ever see, but it's foundations can be found in the quick thinking of Xabi Alonso, who put Chelsea on the back foot by picking out Kuyt, who was pelting down the right wing with a free-kick from just inside his own half. From that moment on, there was no end of panic in the Chelsea penalty area and when Kuyt crossed, their efforts at defending were hapless to say the least. Frank Lampard got caught in possession by Gerrard when he should have hoofed clear, and the Liverpool skipper rolled the ball to Mascherano whose miskick looped up in the air and towards the goal, where Kuyt muscled Makelele off the ball and scored.



38 min: A corner for Chelsea, which Frank Lampard whips in from the left. Following an impromptu game of head-tennis in the Liverpool penalty area, Jamie Carragher wellies the ball down the field.

"I've noticed that most people who get mentioned in your updates include some kind of pithy reference to some obscure aspect of British life and goings ons that I don't really understand because I'm in Texas," writes Garrett Thomas. "Nonetheless I'll give you a pithy reference to something over here. No one seems to be mentioning the fact that Tom Hicks is probably only at the game tonight because the other team he owns, the Texas Rangers (who are officially my second favorite sports franchise owned by Hicks) have lost four games in a row and, under his expert ownership guidance, have climbed all the way to last place in their division."



37 min: Liverpool corner. Steven Gerrard takes it and fails to clear the first defender, Frank Lampard, who heads the ball over the sideline and into the stand. This is predictably grim fare.



Liverpool attack down Chelsea's left wing, courtesy of Fabiano Aurelio. He crosses and Paulo Ferreira heads clear for Chelsea. Gripping stuff.

"That Rupert H traveling on the train in Holland doesn't know he's born," writes JB. "I'm sitting here doing my law dissertation as an early 30s mature student who's paid enough taxes in his life to be drinking cheap beer instead. As a neutral who doesn't know much about football, I guess I should be supporting Liverpool, cause everyone hates Chelsea, right?" Well, a lot of people hate Liverpool too, JB. It's a big decision you have on your hands there.



31 min: Half an hour gone and there's no score. What a huge surprise that is. That said, there have been a couple of chances and Fernando Torres has just missed the best of them. Picking up a lovely pass from Stevie Gerrard, he found himself unmarked and bearing diagonally left-to-right down on the Chelsea goal from about 14 yards out. Electing to take a second touch instead of shooting first time, he prodded the ball inches too far ahead of him, forcing himself to stretch for a close-range shot that Petr Cech did very well to get down and bat clear.



26 min: Carragher and Drogba contest a ball on the edge of the Liverpool penalty area and both players go down. Drogba appeals for a penalty, but doesn't get one. Replays show it wasn't a foul by Carragher and that it was inches outside the area. I've seen penalties given for a hell of a lot less.

"Perhaps if any of your followers get fed up with watching apples turn brown etc they could apply their minds to how we can rearrange our screens to lose the commercial rubbish currently occupying the lion's share of the display, beside your commentary. This seems most unGuardian-like to me," writes Tim Knights. While we're always delighted to hear any criticism from ou readers, might I suggest you direct any gripes, grumbles, moans or whinges you have about our new look site here. That way Sean Ingle will have to deal with it and I won't even have to read it.



23 min: "It's just not the Liverpool way and it's offended the sense and sensibility of many Liverpool fans," says Clive Tyldesley of the assorted unseemly spats in the club boardroom. He can't honestly expect us to believe that that incessant whingeing and moaning is not the Liverpool way, can he?



21 min: Arbeloa gifts possession to Frank Lampard not far inside the Liverpool half, down by the left touchline. The Chelsea midfielder and floats a beautiful cross towards Joe Cole on the edge of the Liverpool six-yard box. Caught in two minds, Cole can't decide whether to go for goal himself or lay off to Didier Drogba, who's up in support. In the end he does neither.



16 min: Ryan Babbel miscontrols a pass from Fabiano Aurelio, allowing the ball to squirt towards Fernadndo Torres, who gets between John Terry and the near post before trying to squeeze the ball in from a narrow angle. Wide.

"Fortunately, my office overlooks park and building under construction, permitting watching of paint and grass dry and grow, respectively, amidst thrilling commentary," writes Patrick Sullivan. "Have ordered an apple to complete the circle."



15 min: "Evening Barry, I feel I should wipe my feet before entering your new-look website," writes Ian Copestake. "I'm pleased you have been banging the boredom drum about this match as it is all set to be a free-scoring classic. And if not there's always the distraction of George Gillett waving to friends in the crowd."



12 min: Dirk Kuyt squanders a wonderful chance to put Liverpool one-up when he gets in behind the Chelsea defence and miscontrols a wonderful 50-yard Xabi Alonso pass from the center-circle with his chest, letting the ball get away from him and making the save easy for Petr Cech. If the Dutchman's first touch had been better, subsequent failure to score would have been quite an achievement.



9 min: Throw-in for Chelsea, deep in Liverpool territory. The ball is hurled towards Drogba, who deftly chips a back heel into the penalty area. Martin Skrtel larrups the ball clear.



7 min: Steven Gerrard tries his luck with a snap-shot from outside the penalty area. It's on target, but Cech saves comfortably. Moments previously, Florent Malouda was flagged for offside when it looked like he was clean through on goal.



4 min A Liverpool throw-in, deep in their own half. The ball is flung up the touchline, Terry hoofs it up in the air and a game of head-tennis ensues. "It's going to be very, very tight and congested in that midfield," says Jim Beglin in the ITV commentary box, prompting Clive Tyldesley to go off on one about how effective games like this are for curing insomnia. When an enthusiast like Tyldesley can't even be bothered to try selling a match, you know you're in trouble.



1 min: Chelsea win a free-kick early doors. I'm not sure why, because I'm still trying to figure out how to use this new tool we've got for writing minute-by-minute reports. It's a few yards outside the Liverpool penalty area, slightly right of center. Didier Drogba hammers the ball into the Liverpool wall and Chelsea win a corner, which Liverpool clear.



Not long now

"I am traveling on a train across the Dutch plains," writes Rupert H. "It is very flat. So please update your mbm as regularly as possible. God I'm bored." You're not the only one, Rupert, but if it's excitement you're after and all you have at your disposal is the internet, I'd look somewhere other than this report for kicks. John Terry wins the toss and puts Liverpool playing into the Kop for the first half.



Pre-match niceties

As the teams line up in the tunnel at Anfield, with everyone looking very, very serious indeed, Liverpool's fans give a stirring rendition of You'll Never Walk Alone. Aware that resistance is futile, the few thousand Chelsea fans that are present maintain their usual stony silence. CLick-clack! Click-clack! Click-clack! Click-clack! The teams take to the pitch and ITV1 take to an advert break.



An email from Rob Rayburn

"After your last Big Cup MBM you left us with the impression you were going to off yourself because there was now a chance you might have to report on this one," he writes. "How long to you give yourself before you start regretting your decision to live? Half-time maybe?"

An optimistic call, Rob. "I guess the bright side is that we can sit here and follow the game while calling it "work." I'd hate to be the sorry sap who has nothing better to do with his time than to watch this game. There are much more exciting options … watching grass grow, for one. Maybe watching some paint dry? Or a personal favorite of mine; cutting an apple in half and watching it turn brown. Enjoy."



An email from Gary Naylor, which I suspect might echo the sentiments of many of our readers

It's often said after a fine match that 'it's a shame one side had tolose'," he writes, giving no indication whatsoever as to which comedy cul-de-sac this particular gag might be going. "Let me be the first to remark on this tie that 'It's a shame one side has to win'."



Team news

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez recalls eight players for tonight's game.Captain Steven Gerrard and striker Fernando Torres are joined in the starting line-up by Fabio Aurelio, Xabi Alonso, Alvaro Arbeloa, Dirk Kuyt, Ryan Babel and Jamie Carragher.

Chelsea boss Avram Grant prefers Paulo Ferreira at right-back to Juliano Belletti, but the Israeli also makes five changes from the side that defeated Everton in last week's Premier League thriller at Goodison Park. Frank Lampard, Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack, Claude Makelele and Florent Malouda are all handed a place in his starting line-up.

Those teams in full

Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Carragher, Skrtel, Aurelio, Kuyt, Alonso, Mascherano, Babel, Gerrard, Torres.Subs: Itandje, Hyypia, Riise, Benayoun, Crouch, Pennant, Lucas.

Chelsea: Cech, Ferreira, Carvalho, Terry, Ashley Cole, Lampard, Makelele, Ballack, Joe Cole, Drogba, Malouda.Subs: Hilario, Shevchenko, Obi, Kalou, Alex, Belletti, Anelka.

Referee: Konrad Plautz (Austria)



Preamble Evening everyone. Whether or not it'll be a good one for us neutrals remains to be seen. Liverpool and Chelsea have played a whopping 570 minutes of Champions League football against each other since April 27 2004, providing a derisory return of just three goals in that time.

But tonight's going to be different and I'll tell you why. It's going to be different because both teams will set out their stalls to … eh, tonight's not going to be different, is it?

Strap yourselves to the mizzen-mast readers, another 90 ninety minutes of tedious long-ball action ahoy!