Arsenal 1-1 Middlesbrough

85 min: GOAL!!!! Arsenal 1-1 Middlesbrough. What a run by Eboue, who travels nearly 50 yards with the ball to reach the edge of the Boro area. He feeds Walcott on the right, goes on the overlap and wins a corner off Boateng. And from the corner... a goa! Toure crashes a header goal wards which flicks off Flamini's shoulder and into the net.

82 min: Eboue drills a low cross across the face of the Boro six-yard box from the right; Schwarzer goes down well to claim at Flamini's feet. The Emirates is a very quiet place right now.

80 min: Schwarzer comes and flaps at a deep right-wing cross; Adebayor is in the immediate environs of this farce, but can't get his head to the ball and it bounces harmlessly out for a corner. Arsenal don't have long to turn this around now: it could be a good day for Manchester United and Chelsea.

79 min: O'Neil is booked for blocking Walcott's run in the center circle. Paul MacInnes hears Melissa F's very real pain: "Yeah, I pity any locals planning an evening perambulation down Sixth Street this weekend. Pure hell. What gets me about the hipsters is the sheer spread of tattoos. Do they buy shirts with extra-big collars to cover them all up when they go back to their day job in marketing?"

78 min: The goalscorer Aliadiere is replaced by former Spurs and African Cup of Nations tantrum-thrower Mido.

77 min: Just like the first half, Arsenal are enjoying all the possession and territorial advantage, but doing next to nothing with it. "Is it possible, or even legal, to win the league if Boro do the double over you?" asks Art Durbano.

75 min: See 58 min.

73 min: Arsenal hit the woodwork for the second time in the match, Fabregas getting on the end of a right-wing cross to loop a header onto the outside of the right-hand post. I think Schwarzer had it covered, though. "I always believed that people who worked in the rock industry were supposed to be taking coke and drinking champagne from the belly button of blonde beauties," writes Anthony Hassall. "Paul MacInnes has ruined my dream of a rock-industry lifestyle."

71 min: I had my eye off the match there. I think Schwarzer just spent about three minutes taking a goal kick.

Breathless Yet Excellent Rant About South By Southwest Festival dept: "It is like No Country For Old Men, for us locals at least," writes Melissa F. "Sad to say we can't give in to our sociopath urges (there are two registered firearms per adult in this state - and you don't even have to register them) and mow down row upon row of zombie hipsters in white belts and creepy 50-year-old record execs wearing brand-new cowboy boots leering at hipster girls in their just bought "vintage" models of those same boots. Am I bitter? Yes. SXSW is a living hell for us Austinites. There used to be a zillion free shows, many of them word of mouth for the non-wristband types, but now the aforementioned forces of evil are calling the cops on locals. Heaven forbid that Camel cigarettes or Heinekin or whatever corporate sponsor not get maximum exposure. A week of arrogant phonies trying to get drunk, get laid, get big $$ contracts and making fun of Texas all while secretly wishing they were really as cool as us. I'd rather watch Liverpool play Chelsea than venture into that wasteland."

67 min: Tuncay is replaced by Andrew Taylor.

65 min: Well I've been giving Hleb pelters for not doing much, but he's just made the pass of the match, a simply majestic ball trundled straight down the inside left channel which wrong foots the entire Boro back four and sends Fabregas clear on goal, cutting into the box from the left. He's one on one with Schwarzer and attempts to slide the ball under the advancing keeper, but Schwarzer Schmeichels his body and smothers the shot. Great play all round.

64 min: Arsenal hoof it into the Boro area. Huth heads it clear. Arsenal hoof it into the Boro area. Huth heads it clear. Arsenal hoof it into the Boro area. Huth heads it clear. Arsenal hoof it into the Boro area. Huth heads it clear. Arsenal hoof it into the Boro area. Huth heads it clear. Paul MacInnes breaks the monotony by thanking Patrick Groden: "I'll eat there tomorrow after I go to the rodeo to check out the prize pigs."

62 min: Hleb has touched it again!

61 min: A double change for Arsenal: Sagna and Van Persie off, Bendtner and Walcott, 18 for one more day, on.

60 min: That's brilliant play from Clichy, who leaps on a Tuncay square pass in the center circle and absolutely storms down the middle of the park. He's only got one thing on his mind, and that's the delivery of a purler, which he executes perfectly only for Huth to lumber in the way and deflect it clear.

58 min: See 16 min.

54 min: Van Persie wriggles down the left, but his cross is spectacularly bad and easily cut out by Huth. Arsenal need to make some changes here; that Fabregas free kick apart, they've created nothing for a very long time. "In your professional opinion, is Arsenal's problem these last few games? Do they just not fancy it or do they seem satisfied simply playing pretty regardless of the results? asks Josh, answering his own question at the end there. And professional what? Oh Josh. Ha ha ha ha hoh dear. [MBM reporter wipes soiltary tear from eye]

51 min: What a chance for Gallas: Fabregas sends an inswinging free kick into the Boro box from the left. The big defender runs clear of the away defence but, from the edge of the six-yard box, gets too much on a flicked header and sends the ball high and wide right. "Tell Paul MacInnes that if he doesn't eat at The Salt Lick in Dripping Springs, he's missing one of the best meals in America," writes Patrick Groden. "A mandatory drive from Austin for anyone with taste buds." I'm a bit worried Paul's taste buds have just been stripped from his tongue by cup after cup of Lavatory Roast, Patrick, but he'll no doubt thank you for the tip nonetheless.

49 min: Downing launches a long free kick into the Arsenal area. After a bout of head tennis Almunia claims, but the home side didn't deal with that particularly convincingly.

47 min: Another ersatz version of what's gone before: now Van Persie drags an even worse shot across the front of goal. "Would someone like to offer an explanation for the state of Southampton FC, who lost 5-0 at Hull today?" asks Paul Anonymous, apropos of nothing. I'll have a go: didn't Rupert Lowe run the club for a few years?

46 min: O'Neil has another dig from outside the area; unlike his first-half effort, it isn't very good.

Who needs Texas? Not me! Because we're off, off, off again! A change for the second half: Shawky has made way for Cattermole. "This is typical Boro. Wander around like farts in a trance against the not-so-mighty Cardiff and actually give the likes of Arsenal a game," writes, er, Alan Hardaker, presumably from beyond the grave with assistance from football pundit and occasional horoscope author Mystic Meg.

Letter from America: "Don't worry, I am reading you while sitting in a hotel room next to a 25-lane highway drinking coffee from a machine which is situated next to my toilet. That is why my life is more glamorous than yours." The author of this email is one Paul MacInnes, formerly of the Renamed Website Sport parish and now Renamed Website's Mr Music. He of course talks down his current situation, for while it sounds like he's living one of the really scary bits in No Country For Old Men, he is in fact gadding around at the South by Southwest music festival in Texas, and swilling that tasty WC coffee on company expenses to boot, I'll be bound. Am I insanely jealous as I sit in Renamed Website Towers watching the drizzle cascade down the windows as I peer out into the bleak London night? No no no no no no no no nyes. Yes.

Poor pun rescues MBM report from zero-email shame: "Boro are impressing so far," writes Mac Millings, "but I still get the feeling it could all go Poga-tetz up. Sorry."

Half time: Arsenal 0-1 Middlesbrough. Arsenal have enjoyed the lion's share of possession, but haven't really troubled Middiesbrough very much. Though in fairness they did have a perfectly good goal disallowed for offside. Still, a raise in tempo wouldn't go amiss if they want to keep on Manchester United's tail. I'll be back in time for the start of the second half to continue talking into the void.

42 min: Adebayor crosses from the left. The ball hits Young's torso; everyone connected with Arsenal screams for a penalty. Desperate already? There are still 48 minutes of this to go!

40 min: Huth absolutely pulverises Van Persie on the edge of the area with a perfectly legal crunching tackle. But it somehow seems to encourage Arsenal to up their tempo: Sagna picks the ball up, drives forward and crosses towards Adebayor, whose shot is blocked and rebounds out of the area. Fabregas races in and slaps an effort on target with Schwarzer does well to claim.

38 min: This is all very flat from an Arsenal perspective. From a Middlesbrough one it's just dandy; they look very comfortable at the back and are quite happy to let their opponents stroke it around their half, for they inevitably lose it whenever they get near the box.

35 min: Two corners in a row for Arsenal = 200% hopelessness. Not even a sniff of danger.

33 min: Eboue races down the right and into the box. Pogatetz puts his arm across the Arsenal man, who goes down under the challenge, but despite loud appeals a penalty isn't given - and neither should one have been, as it looked like fair 50-50 tussling.

32 min: Hleb touches the ball! Yes, he really has touched it!

30 min: Arsenal seemed shell shocked for a couple of minutes, but they're coming good again. Sagna drives into the Boro area and is bundled off the ball, but only at the expense of One Of Those Things Probably Not Worth Mentioning.

28 min: The volume increases as Van Persie drags a shot from the left wide right of goal. The effort was so bad it nearly turned into a brilliant cross for Adebayor, who is six yards out centrally. But even then, not quite bad enough.

27 min: The Emirates is very quiet. The foundations of Drayton Park railway station are safe for the minute.

26 min: Wheater is booked for a wee trip on Van Persie.

24 min: GOAL!!! Arsenal 0-1 Middlesbrough. What a goal! And it was so simple. Arsenal are fannying around while Schwarzer takes a long free kick down the left. For some reason the back four try to play offside, and suddenly Tuncay is clear down the left. He lifts a first-time cross into the centre where Former Arsenal Starlet® Aliadiere awaits to sidefoot high into the net. Wimbledon circa 1987 would have been proud of that as well, which is meant as high praise indeed. This is on! This match is on!

20 min: Fabregas toe-punts a Wimbledon circa 1987 up-and-under straight down the middle towards Adebayor, who takes a first-time stab at the ball in the hope of wrong footing Schwarzer. The keeper's hip to this, and snaffles the ball without drama. Refreshing to see Arsenal mix it up a bit. I really miss Wimbledon. Pete Winkleman and those set of clowns at the FA ruined everything.

19 min: Tuncay was by all accounts excellent iin Boro's midweek draw at Aston Villa, and he's looking good here too. He picks the ball up on the left, drives infield, and attempts a clever reverse pass towards Aliadiere. It would have sprung Arsenal's offside trap had it come off, but Toure gets in the way and the danger is cleared. Still, for a second that move looked dangerous.

16 min and a bit: Here, that's a great effort from O'Neil; Tuncay lays the ball back to him from the edge of the area, and the resulting fizzer isn't that far over the bar. This is a nice, open match.

16 min: Corner to Ars... ah why do I even bother mentioning them.

14 min: Toure sprays a long ball from midfield into the Boro area towards Van Persie who, eight yards out, attempts to volley the item dropping at speed over his shoulder into the net. The fresh-air swipe is not short of slapstick merit.

12 min: Boro can't hold onto the ball at all. Aliadiere tries a cute layoff inside to Downing, but Downing isn't there. Flamini strides off; you can almost hear his smile.

9 min: What a delicious move by Arsenal. Eboue slips the ball into the box to Van Persie, who lays off right first time to Fabregas, who in turn strokes a delightful cross onto the head of Adebayor. The striker tries to steer his header into the bottom right, where he's already scored, but the effort doesn't quite come off. That was wonderful one-touch stuff. I've just used up a whole load of superlatives, and there's not even ten minutes on the clock. BAH.

6 min: Eboue crosses from the right - and his out swinging cross skims off the top of the crossbar and away. He was never attempting to score there. Having said Middesbrough have started brightly, the next three minutes have seen Arsenal score an incorrectly disallowed goal and hit the woodwork. The top-quality punditry continues apace, right here. Thank you, my Renamed Website Sport!

4 min: Adebayor is found clear in the area on the penalty spot, and slots the ball cleanly into the bottom right corner past a stranded Schwarzer. He's flagged for offside, and it looks the correct decision as he's miles in front of the Boro back line... but hold on! The ball was played back by Boateng! That should have been allowed to stand, no wonder Adebayor is running around screaming like a small child whose ice cream has just fallen from the cone onto the floor.

3 min: Boro have started pretty brightly, Aliadiere and Downing causing Arsenal some consternation down the left not once, but twice. They even win a corner, the taking of which may as well never have happened.

And we're off! There doesn't sound like much of an atmosphere at the Emirates, though in fairness the crowd will probably be heard as far as Drayton Park station. Arsenal take possession of the ball and pass it round. At least I think they do: the home side are, of course, playing in red-and-white shirts, white shorts and white socks. Boro are playing in white shirts, butterscotch shorts, and white socks. This is like staring at a huge bowl of Angel Delight. Shouldn't away strips be in some way distinctive from the opposition's get-up? This is a farce, is what this is.

Can Arsenal put an end to a run of three consecutive draws and get their title challenge back on track, knocking Manchester United off the top of the table while they're at it (unless they put an end to the run by losing, in which case etc, and so on, and so forth)? Almunia, Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy, Eboue, Fabregas, Flamini, Hleb, Adebayor, Van Persie.
Subs: Lehmann, Senderos, Silva, Bendtner, Walcott.

Can Middlesbrough be any more pathetic than they were last weekend against Cardiff? No. Surely no. Schwarzer, Young, Huth, Wheater, Pogatetz, O'Neil, Shawky, Boateng, Downing, Sanli, Aliadiere.
Subs: Turnbull, Arca, Mido, Cattermole, Taylor.

The ref is, should you really need to know, from Lancashire: Mark Halsey (Lancashire). See?

4.55pm: Derby County 0 - 1 Manchester United HT. Not for the first time, mysticism has been shown up to be complete bunkum. It can't be anything to do with bad punditry.

4.35pm: Well that put the kibosh on that. Derby County 0 - 1 Manchester United. An offside Wayne Rooney crosses to Cristiano Ronaldo, and that's that. There are still time for five more.

4.32pm: Still Derby County 0 - 0 Manchester United. Dear me.

3.47pm: Derby County 0 - 0 Manchester United HT. Hmm.

1.15pm: Arsenal start this match having lost their Premier League lead to Manchester United later this afternoon. United are at Derby, where they will score at least six goals against the most abject shambles of a team ever to grace the top division, and that includes the Stoke City side of 1983/84, a couple of Watfords, and Mick McCarthy's Sunderland. Kick off at the Emirates is at 5.15pm; I'll be back here in plenty of time for kick off. So, 5.13pm it is.