England v Switzerland - Live!

According to the Press Association wire service, there is only one team playing at Wembley tonight: James, Brown, Ferdinand, Upson, A Cole, Bentley, Barry, Gerrard, Jenas, J Cole, Rooney.

THE FOUR STAGES OF MANAGING ENGLAND
1. Spectacular victory by eleven heroes in flight
2. Unimpressive victory against high-quality opponents
3. Unimpressive victory against low-quality opponents
4. Spectacular implosion by eleven stars in denial

And so the cycle begins again. Climb aboard; it's like riding a tandem, only this one has about 55 million seats. And no steering column.

While we're at it, may we unveil The Guardian Unlimited Official Patented Fabi-o-meter®, a state-of-the-art gadget which will chart Fabio's temper as he slowly realizes what he's got himself into:
A: Seething
B: Getting really quite annoyed now
C: About to go off the scale
D: Def con one (off the scale)

Also, I've just noticed that, from a certain angle and in a particular light, the dapper and intelligent Capello looks a bit like Brian Woolnough. Only a bit, but oh dear.