Manchester United 1-1 Tottenham - Live!

GOAL! Manchester United 1-1 Tottenham (Tevez 38): Poor defending by Spurs as Dawson fails to clear a cross properly. The ball drops to Giggs, who is backing into Lee, and he off-loads to Tevez a few yards out. He wasn't going to miss from there. Game on!

37 min: Giggs misses the chance to off-load to Tevez down the right, but he almost makes amends when released down the left moments later. His rising shot is easily tipped over by Cerny: corner, but Spurs survive. "Three Degrees of Separation," says Shreerang Sarpotdar, before embarking on a riff that you will need your wits about you to follow. "Many Internet sites advise (with videos) on how to defeat the bra, the worst enemy of the wooer. Hence Jermaine, as De Foe, is closer to the humble bra than you would suspect. I'll get my coat." You certainly will.

34 min: You feel either side could score right now: United attacking, Spurs counter-attacking. Berbatov orchestrates another counter, helping to unleash Malbranque in space down the left, but the cross is weak and United clear.

32 min: Ronaldo is getting involved in almost everything United do, linking well with O'Shea and Tevez as he seeks the key to unlocking Tottenham's defense. Spurs, though, win possession and break with Lennon, only for the winger to bottle it with a man to beat: that was a weak shot. "Scholes does look like a wotsit!" insists Kimberley Taylor. "He lives down the road from my mum, and my cousin Danielle used to cut his hair. It's a nightmare to do apparently. And smells cheesy."

30 min: That was almost brilliant from United on the edge of the Spurs box. But Tevez's lobbed through ball for Ronaldo was just a touch too strong.

28 min: This should be fun: United have to go for broke now, and Ronaldo unleashes a flashing drive from an impossible angle down United's right flank. Cerny is alert at the near post. Earlier, gary Naylor opened a can of worms. So who better than encourage those worms to keep on wriggling than... Gary Naylor! "Mr Gibbons may be right, but my recollection is that Manchester United were lent upon to play in the FIFA Club World Championship, but not to lent upon to withdraw from the FA Cup. Would it not have been possible to field players not required for the trip to Brazil? Would it not have been in keeping with the FA Cup to go into the hat and give that year's Havant and Waterlooville the chance to play at Old Trafford? I welcome United's full strength team (more than Everton managed in third round) but I do not think that a 6,000-mile round trip would have been undertaken just prior to a CL or PL game."

GOAL! Manchester United 0-1 Tottenham (Keane 24): Great goal! Dawson picks out Lennon down the Spurs right and he delivers a perfect cross - in front of Van der Sar but behind the defense - and Keane, unmarked a few yards out, does the rest. Wonderful goal.

23 min: Hargreaves switches play from left to right, where Ronaldo collects the ball and then returns the compliment to unleash Giggs down the left. He cuts inside, but Tevez tries to be too cute with the cross, and United end up settling for a corner. They win a second after Spurs block a Tevez strike, and when United launch another attack from the resulting melee, Giggs is just off-side. "Has anyone ever looked older than Wayne Rooney?" asks Gary Naylor a propos of zilch. "George Burley looks younger than him."

20 min: United move the ball smoothly to the left, where Rooney steps infield and lets go with a 20-yarder from a tight angle. Cerny has it covered.

19 min: Huddlestone deals calmly with Rooney down the United right - that was a bit of class - and for the moment concerns about his lack of pace are yet to rear their tedious head. "Is it me," asks Kimberley Taylor, "or does Paul Scholes look increasingly like a cheesy wotsit as he hurtles towards his dotage?" It's you.

16 min: And then Spurs almost score as Lennon swings in a corner from the right and Berbatov's header at the back post is denied only by Rooney's clearance off the line. This game, like my fingers, is warming nicely.

15 min: A measure of Spurs' task here is that United have won their last 11 matches at home - and they're quietly in control here, working the ball around in anticipation of an opening. And it almost arrives as Carrick dinks it to Ronaldo, who fires in a low strike from 20 yards out that flashes two yards to the right of Cerny's far post. I think the keeper had it covered anyway. "Why have Spurs pinched Leeds' kit, home and away?" asks Rob Mathieson. "As far as I remember, Tottenham play in white shirts and navy shorts. Just wait a couple of years until the Mighty Whites are back and there'll be trouble (of course)."

12 min: Evra gets in a crucial tackle on Keane down the Tottenham right and United have so far had enough class to snuff Spurs out in their last third. Rooney and Evra then link neatly down the left, but Evra loses control and it's a Spurs throw-in.

10 min: Berbatov is playing quite deep at the moment but as usual he's at the heart of most of Spurs' dangerous-looking moves. "Perhaps an alternative view of United's attitude to the FA Cup can be found in us having won it more times and been in more finals than any other club, including three of the last four, not to mention sticking our strongest team out today," seethes Michael Gibbons in response to Gary Naylor. "Also worth remembering that we pulled out in 2000 at the behest of the FA in order to help their World Cup bid that the lovable octogenarians had already promised to back Germany for in return for their support getting Euro 96. But don't let something like a fact get in the way of perpetuating some paranoid myth." Here we go...

7 min: Berbatov scuffs a shot from 25 yards out which dribbles harmlessly past Van der Sar's right-hand upright. Cue a small sulk.

6 min: Cerny makes a hash of a clearance to huge cheers from the United faithful, and then Berbatov loses the ball in a dangerous position, only for Tevez's throughball to be overhit. Goal kick, but life at both ends so far.

4 min: A promising Spurs move breaks down, and when O'Shea crosses from the right, Giggs squares it cleverly for Rooney, whose first-time shot cannons into the near-post side netting. Sharp stuff from United.

2 min: Hargreaves fouls Keane about 10 yards inside the United half and Jamie O'Hara pumps in the free-kick. But it's too far and Van der Sar collects comfortably before almost releasing Rooney at the other end with a pump of his own.

1 min: United kick off, playing right to left as I stare blankly at the TV screen, and Ronaldo beats two men inside 10 seconds.

Here come the players. Settle down, flex that index finger and enjoy.

Robbie Keane isn't worried about the fact that Spurs' last win at Old Trafford came almost 20 years ago. "It was a long time since we beat Arsenal too," he reasons. Yes, and England haven't won the World Cup for a while, and the Liberals haven't won a general election for a few years...

If you did manage to read that piece we linked to earlier you won't need me to repeat the following quote: "He'd sit there all day in my bedroom with my bra on his head because he thought it was really, really funny." The man in question is on the Spurs bench today.

Random email dept: "I'm currently in Singapore and have just been told that the annual company inter-departmental football tournament has been canceled due to an "important audit"," scoffs Al Ryan. "Is that the most depressing thing you have ever heard? Wouldn't happen in Brazil."

The teams:Manchester United: Van der Sar, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Brown, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Hargreaves, Giggs, Rooney, Tevez. Subs: Kuszczak, Anderson, Nani, Scholes, Simpson.Tottenham: Cerny, Tainio, Dawson, Huddlestone, Lee, Lennon, O'Hara, Jenas, Malbranque, Keane, Berbatov. Subs: Robinson, Kaboul, Boateng, Defoe, Gunter. Referee: Peter Walton (Northamptonshire)

Just when you're wondering how to fill a bit of space, Gary Naylor goes and does the job for you. "Not so long ago, Manchester United didn't bother entering a team for the FA Cup despite having as big a squad as any club in Europe," he rages, while being restrained by several passers-by. "This year, the club showed its respect for the competition by preparing for this tough tie by flying back and forth to Saudi Arabia, picking up a reported £1m, and showing exactly why top clubs are so keen on winter breaks. Shame Michel Platini's proposal to take a Champions League spot away from the Premier League and give it to the FA Cup winners was stymied by men with one millionth of his understanding of the game."

OK, so United have brought in Ryan Giggs and John O'Shea for Ji-Sung park and Nemanja Vidic, while Paul Scholes - out for three months with knee-knack - is on the bench. Spurs, who haven't won at Old Trafford sine 1989, have replaced Pascal Chimbonda and Ledley King with Tom Huddlestone and Jamie O'Hara. Full teams to follow.

An email while we await the teams: "Here in Kuwait the only commentary I can get is in Arabic," weeps Ben Elkington. "Also, there is no beer. Like Ben Kenobi (via R2-D2) was to old Curly-hair, you are my only hope." The pressure.

Of course some would argue that Spurs' 5-1 demolition job on their north London rivals is the biggest story to emerge from White Hart Lane this week. I was certainly arguing as much to anyone who gave a damn. And then I saw this.

Preamble: Hello and welcome to what has all the makings of an absolute belter and will thus almost inevitably fall flat on its behind and dribble out into the kind of 0-0 draw that makes you glad you stayed at home and watched the paint dry. But, hey, somethings got to give, hasn't it? Since losing to West Ham on December 29, United have won their last four matches without conceding a goal, while Spurs have won three in a row in all competitions and are still cock-a-hoop after getting Arsenal Under-13s in a headlock on Wednesday, nicking their dinner money and shoving their heads down the toilet to reach the Carling Cup final. I'm going for United to win 3-2, just for the hell of it.