Everton 0-1 Chelsea (agg: 1-3)

73 min: Everton were looking like the more likely scorers before Cole's intervention, but Chelsea have been able to break at will for a most of this game: I'm surprised the goal came from Malouda and Cole rather than Anelka though.

71 min: Andy Johnson has a chance seconds after the goal, but Cech saves well at his near post, tipping the ball wide.

GOAL!!! (Cole 68 min)Malouda flights a long pass to Cole, who brings it down beautifully and fires home. And Spurs are in Europe!!! Oh.

67 min: Cobb writes in to confirm he is the fruit-fly man. You were so nearly the next big thing, Matthew. Arteta's cross is dropped at the feet of Cahill, the ref says the keeper was fouled, but I'm not so sure. Jagielka made contact, but it was after Cech had fluffed it. "I believe there are a still a few people left in the Middle East that may take you to task on your assertion in the 48th minute suggesting North American politicians are not ignorant," giggles Tom Astin.

63 min: "Andy Johnson does sound a lot like David Beckham, but he's a decent lad who refused to celebrate a Palace goal at Birmingham as a mark of his respect for the club that gave him his break," says Gary Naylor. What's more Birmingham bought Clinton Morrison for £4m plus Andy Johnson: one of the best bits of business Palace have ever done. Speaking of Johnson, he very nearly gets a shot in as Chelsea struggle to clear. It's been a very encouraging five minutes or so for the home side.

60 min: Right, I've been told by 986 people that Spurs won't qualify if they're runners-up. Sorry. It's not like it's my job or anything. Phil Nevilles cross is palmed away by Cech and there are quite a few Everton shirts coming in, but they can't capitalize. Then Jagielka brilliantly back heels the ball as it pings about the six-yard box and very nearly scores a wonderful goal.

56 min: Everton give Joe Cole about 98 minutes to pick his spot when he'd free in the area. This proves too much time for out protagonist, who blasts it into a few Everton legs. "I thought you might like to know that I suspect Matthew Cobb of the French and echidna knowledge is the same one whose day job is researching how fly maggots smell at the University of Manchester," says Mike Ritchie. "I'm not making this up" Not so glamorous now, is he girls?

53 min: Anelka is pretty doing much what he wants galloping the breadth of the pitch. Here's Paul Connelly: "The generally accepted translation of 'Quand on n'a Que L'Amour' is 'If We Only Have Love.'" Look: it's basically about love, love is nice, so we're all happy.

51 min: Joe Cole knows pulls the ball across for Anelka but, seeing as he has plenty of time, he doesn't make the most of it and Everton clear. Then SWP is nearly in. Sorry to disappoint most of the people in the country but Chelsea are in complete control here.

48 min: Right. That seems to have woken Everton up a bit as they move forward and Valente attempts to slide it across the face of goal, but Chelsea clear. "Please excuse my North American ignorance," says Oded Haklai, who according to his email is an assistant professor in politics, so he can't be that ignorant. "Does a Chelsea win tonight mean that Spurs will qualify for the Uefa Cup next year even if they lose in the final - providing that Chelsea qualify for the Champions League? If so, doesn't it make sense for Spurs fans to cheer for Chelsea?" Yep, Spurs will, as long as Chelsea qualify for the Champions League. I think.

46 min: And we're off. Everton need to go for it now. Which they do by letting Anelka get a fantastic shot away that slams into the crossbar. "It is just you Chawupi Kalinga," says Cian Rice, "Andy Johnson is actually a follically challenged David Beckham. Watch an interview with him with a wooly hat on and you'll see it. I swear." The man speaks the truth. He even does that side of the mouth thing that Beckham does. I actually saw Andy Johnson at New Street station once waiting for a train. He looked rather forlorn on his own in his England tracksuit and with no one to talk to: he didn't even go in first and sat in economy class reading the Virgin Rail magazine. I was tempted to go and ask him if he was alright.

I only got a C in French: "To answer Art Durbano," says Mathew Cobb. It means 'When you have nothing but love'. It's Jacques Brel, don't you know."

Half-time emails: In which I answer various questions and satisfy you, the reader. For once. "Can anyone out there translate the French song lyric "Quand on n'a que l'amour" into simple English," asks Art Durbano. "And while you're at it, does Everton still have all those bald guys? And what's Chang? (I'm betting a beer)." I think it means 'When you only have love' and they do and it's a beer.

Why you have to sit down at Goodison Park: "It's a nuance of the Bullens Road stand that if you are forced to stand up at the back of the lower tier then you can only see the ball-boys as it feels like you are wearing an 11,000 seater hat," says Grant Macnaughton. "Hope that clears things up."

45 min + 1: Neville gets into a decent position for a cross, but it's cut out for a corner. Cech dives to collect. That's Everton's half really: plenty of pressure, but they've got nothing to show for it because there's been little invention when it's really needed.

43 min: Bridge's long cross, but it's hit too hard for Anelka to latch on to. "Is it just me, or is Andy Johnson just Michael Owen with more reliable hamstrings and fewer functioning follicles," asks Chawupi Kalinga. It's not just you, "Johnson's pace is great and his penalty area instincts good, but when he has to evince a bit of guile he suddenly looks like Djimi Traore's albino midget brother. Do we not teach fundamental skills in this country?"

40 min: Andy Johnson smacks the ball into the side netting under pressure from Chelsea, Cech probably had it covered. SWP breaks, Malouda picks the ball up on the edge of the area, plays it into Anelka, who takes a tad too long to control the ball and Lescott comes in with the tackle.

37 min: An irate PA announcer keeps on asking the Chelsea fans to not stand up: a disgraceful crime at a football game. Which brings me neatly to Robin Latour's email: "Why would the announcer ask the Chelsea fans to sit down for the benefit of their fans in the back? Shouldn't those fans stand up?"

35 min: Malouda wriggles around the Everton box, after Valente gives the ball away carelessly, but his shot is sliced up, up and away. Over the bar.

33 min: Anelka has been very good tonight - holding the ball up like his name was Drogba, exactly what Chelsea need when they want to take a bit of pressure of themselves and buy some time. "Is there a more dramatic example in the premiership of the 'landing strip' hairline then the one that currently adorns Tony Hibbert's ever expanding forehead," asks Christopher Thomas "I currently sport a similar coife, and because of this Tony Hibbert is slowly becoming my favorite player." It's not that kind of landing strip is it, Christopher?

29 min and a clarification: I'm not interested in echidnas in any way or form. Even the good-looking ones. Cole are beginning to creep into the game more and more and Cole whips a wicked cross in that Howard takes well. He then nearly gets on the end of a Malouda cross. And then - these things come in threes - Anelka angled shot is gathered by Howard.

26 min: Chelsea have a rare jaunt forward that ends with a big boot from Jagielka. "In case you get bored with the match, cast an eye on this video of an echidna being pleasured in the name of science," starts Matthew Cobb, raising all kinds of alarm bells, "the male echidna, as any fool knows, has a bizarre pe..." Enough! If you want to see it, Google it. I will be later. On my own.

22 min: Andy Johnson has a shot from outside the area - I didn't know he could get the ball to go that far - but it flies wide. Osman goes down, limps around a bit, rubs his legs, decides he's OK and continues.

20 min: Fernandes booms a cross in and Alex, who's having a good game, dives to head away. "In response to Gary Naylor, I reckon I'm not the only Liverpool fan who's behind Everton tonight," says Steve Graves. "They're a proper club in most senses of the word, with the wisest manager in the league, who's had the faith of the board and repaid it by building a really, really good Premier League team, rather than throwing cash at racking up a squad of star names. They're the antithesis of Chelsea, and, I'm coming to realise even as I type this, Liverpool these days. Oh well. I do of course hope they get destroyed in the final." See? Moyes can even convert Liverpool fans to his cause (with a little help from Chelsea).

17 min: It's Everton on points at the moment: they've had more pressure, but Chelsea have broken a few times. Carvalho escorts a long ball back to Cech, slips up and if Andy Johnson - if he's used his little whirring legs that little bit better - could have been in.

14 min: Oh, and another thing Moyes did was to bring Arteta to Everton: a stroke of genius that is proved as he jinks down the wing. But let's not forget the important things: "Moyes may be neglected in football terms, but he's neglecting his skin care, from the looks of that photo," says Holly McGure," moisturize, moisturize! Especially in winter!" I was about to say that.

11 min: Goal-scoring defender (TM) Lescott has a header saved - Cahill was steaming in to make sure it went in and very nearly scored himself. "If my doctor's following your coverage he ought to know that I'm still feeling dizzy," says Damien Neva, "but thanks anyway for the call." You've got malaria, Damien, get it seen to.

9 min: Fernandes, who is scandalously keeping Hibbo out of the team, surges down the right. Then Belletti has a run of his own and curls the ball this wide of the top-right hand corner. "I see the Chelsea team has one striker starting, and three defenders and a goalie on the bench," scoffs Phil McThomas with his best scoffing face on while scoffing some scones. "Is this the new expansively-attacking approach that Grant has championed?"

6 min: You may or may not be interested to know it's a fantastic atmosphere tonight. At the stadium, rather than GU Towers. Everton will need all the help they can get: Moyes has [MBM writer plucks stat out of air that he's fairly sure is true] never beaten Chelsea as a manager. "Outside SW3 (and maybe one or two Liverpool fans)," says Gary Naylor, who in the interests of balance I should point out is an Everton fan, "is there anyone not wanting Everton to go through?" Shouldn't you be at the game, Gary?

3 min: Then Alex jogs up the pitch to take a free-kick from ridiculous-yards out. It slams into the wall, isn't cleared and SWP's shot is blocked by Jagielka - it was probably going wide anyway. "For a manager that doesn't care about the Carling Cup, Avram Grant sure entered a lineup that is close to first choice given who isn't available," says George Templeton. "Especially throwing in an injured Shaun Wright-Phillips. They can't afford him to get hurt and start missing too many league matches."

1 min: Everton are behind on aggregate remember and they need to score fast, or fastish and are straight on the attack. Alex ushers a long ball out for a goal-kick. "Re: Hibbo. Not enough is written about Tony Hibbert's status as the 'Everton Player You'd Least Like to Anger (Post-Duncan Ferguson, Obviously),'" writes Ryan Jones. "Watch his face when he's booked for a harsh tackle, as he undoubtedly will be tonight. Pure evil." Ah, but is there not a certain beauty in evil. A terrible beauty? I actually think Hibbo looks more and more like David Moyes every day - he has the mad staring eyes.

So, Arteta and Johnson have passed late fitness tests but Hibbert is left on the bench. The bad news for Chelsea is that Michael Ballack isn't fit to start and Steve Sidwell is, although in all the important ways, he isn't.

Teams:

Everton: Howard, Neville, Jagielka, Lescott, Nuno Valente, Osman, Cahill, Carsley, Arteta, Fernandes, Johnson. Subs:
Wessels, Hibbert (Boo!), Vaughan, Stubbs, Anichebe.

Chelsea: Cech, Belletti, Carvalho, Alex, Bridge, Makelele, Malouda, Sidwell, Joe Cole, Wright-Phillips, Anelka. Subs: Cudicini, Ashley Cole, Pizarro, Ferreira, Ben-Haim.

Referee: Steve Bennett (Kent)

Hibbert news: "I really have no thoughts on Hibbo," says Jennifer Jones. Oh. "But according to his MySpace page, his mood is "nervous" with an appropriately nervous emoticon included for emphasis - how cute! He is also 'gutted that Faddy has left.'"

Hello, I haven't forgotten about this game, it just took ages to get my dinner in the canteen and not, like a contestant on Going for Gold, I'm playing catch-up.

Is there a more neglected manager in the Premier League than David Moyes? By God, the man has taken Everton the Champions League once and he may well do so again. Added to that, he's brought players such as Tim Cahill and Joleon Lescott up from the lower leagues and transformed them into excellent performers (although, they were OK to begin with, I'll give you that) and even made Tim Howard into a reassuring presence in goal.

And he manages Tony Hibbert, a man who I'm mildly fascinated by. What does Tony do exactly? And how does he manage to hold his head above water in today's game when he has a name straight out of 70s football?