Chelsea v West Ham

Preamble:
The wit and variety of Jose Mourinho's Chelsea was best captured by the chant that was most common at Stamford Bridge during his reign there. It went like this: "Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea." Monotonous, then, but also remorseless, which is they never lost. If they can avoid defeat today, they'll extend their unbeaten home march to 70 matches but, with Avram Grant now in charge and encouraging at least a little spontaneity, then there's also a chance we could be entertained. Particularly as West Ham, despite their gruesome injury problems, have been playing decent stuff themselves this season; they've not been especially imaginative, but at least they've become snappy and ambitious, no longer the stodgy, befuddled rabble of last season.

Your know it's true:
Alan Curbishley's brother may manage The Who, but what Curbs really needs to do is hire Hammers' fans Iron Maiden to belt out some of their rumbling, rollicking classics - in fact, wouldn't England have played much better at the last World Cup if rather than engage feeble shoegazers Embrace, they'd thundered on to the pitch to the sound of Aces High or The Trooper? Of course they would.