Chicago - the Emerald City?

They dyed the river green this week here in Chicago and the city was thronging with people pretending to be Irish to celebrate that ancient midwestern festival - the feast of St Patrick.

In one of America's biggest St Patrick's Day celebrations, it was barely possible to move without bumping into somebody wearing an emerald wig, a Guinness hat or a Gaelic football jumper.

Let's hope Conrad Black, who is on an enforced stay in the windy city, enjoyed it.

The accents were, to put it mildly, distinctly dodgy though and the sub-zero temperatures were far more bone-chilling than Dublin in mid-March.

In among the lime-clad drinking throngs, an odd advertisement caught my eye. On scores of bus stops across town, a billboard shouted: "IRS or IRA? Ask the experts."

The ad, placed by a firm of tax accountants, appeared to be a seasonal gambit targeting revellers so taken with St Patrick's Day that they are considering diverting their tax from the Inland Revenue Service to a terrorist organisation (albeit one on permanent ceasefire).

Righteous indignation welled up at this blatant outbreak of tasteless opportunism.

It soon waned when a colleague pointed out that the IRA in these parts is an Individual Retirement Account - and even the drunk people dressed in green know that.

Pay attention, or else

Poor, beleaguered Airbus needs a bit of cheering up - and it got just that here in Chicago, where the A380 superjumbo landed this week to a rousing, if quirky, reception.

The A380 is on a brief tour around America as it continues with test flights and edges gradually towards final certification.

In commercial terms, the US is hardly a friendly market - none of the nation's airlines have ordered any superjumbos and the prospects for orders look dim, given that most of the carriers are barely out of bankruptcy.

Local newscasters, however, whipped themselves into a frenzy of excitement about the plane - one pointed out that the 550-seat behemoth even has windows in its toilets, while others waxed lyrical about on-board bars and extra legroom.

Perhaps a special Airbus prize should go to 46-year-old Mike Moese, who spent two hours driving his car repeatedly round the perimeter road of Chicago's O'Hare airport in the hope of snatching a glimpse of the plane landing.

"It's the kid in me, I guess," he told the Chicago Tribune.

It all sounds much more easy-going than the atmosphere when the plane touched down at New York's Kennedy airport, where reporters were taken onto the tarmac to get a look.

In true Big Apple fashion, an official reportedly advised the assembled throng not to go any closer: "Don't wander away - you will be shot."

"Bold displays of affection"

Across the state line in Missouri, one of America's biggest fast food chains has got itself into an awkward mess over its policy towards displays of romantic affection in its restaurants.

The manager of a branch of Ihop (short for International House of Pancakes) in the small town of Grandview recently admonished two lesbians for sharing a kiss, saying such behaviour was unacceptable in a "family restaurant".

The furious women in question told a local newspaper columnist, Mike Hendricks that they were kicked out - and they have accused the New York-listed chain of discrimination.

As any good public relations man will tell you, the best strategy would be to apologise and kill the story - but Ihop has given it legs by going on the offensive.

Its director of communications, Patrick Lenow, says the women were not kicked out but merely told off.

He has taken issue with the womens' view that their contact was a mere kiss on the cheek.

He maintains their "bold displays of affection" were "repeated in a number of locations in the restaurant". The mind boggles.

Ihop is yet to explain exactly what constitutes an unacceptably "bold" display. A focus group, a policy committee and a ruling from the board of directors would be a good start.