Barcelona 2-0 Rangers

Half-time Rangers go in 2-0 down, not having had a sniff of a goal themselves. Their players are bound to be knackered having spent the first half chasing shadows, so you'd worry about what level of whup-ass their hosts will unleash in the second half, if they're of a mind.

42 mins: Bish! Bosh! Barcelona 2-0 Rangers Game over! A wonderful goal, which comes as a result of Barcelona trying to be clever again. On the edge of the penalty area, Thierry Henry threads the ball through to Ronaldinho, who gives to Messi and goes to pick up the return pass before trying to stab the ball past McGregor, who saves brilliantly. Sadly for the goalkeeper, Lionel Messi is hand to poke home the rebound.

39 mins: Barcelona are all over Rangers here, but they're trying to be a bit too clever and their over-elaborate passing moves invariably get broken up when one of Thierry Henry, Andreas Iniesta or Ronaldinho try to pass the ball through one of the 10 men Rangers are keeping behind the ball. Barcelona are like an angler toying with a carp at the moment, but until they land that killer blow with the baseball bat, there's always a chance, however small, their prey will get off the hook.

37 mins: Barcelona attack courtesy of Xavi, down the left. He cuts inside, looks up to survey his options and decides to have a pop himself. His low, diagonal daisy-cutter doesn't trouble Allan McGregor too much.

35 mins: Rangers win a free-kick inside the Barcelona half. Nothing comes of it.

31-34mins: Iniesta, to Toure, to Abidal, to Ronaldinho, to Messi, to Iniesta, to Toure, to Iniesta, to Abidal, to Messi, back to Abidal, to Henry, to Iniesta, to Milito etc and so on. Despite all the possession their team is enjoying, Barcelona's fans aren't happy. They're whistling their displeasure and want to see some more goals.

29 mins: "Having 'fished' for carp once or twice, I've found a baseball bat most effective in tackling these near-indestructible aquatic vertebrates. Being from North America, I would appreciate any advice from UK fishing hosts in military fatigues - do they suggest using large caliber rifles?" asks Alexander Muggah.

27 mins: Allan McGregor saves well from a Ronaldinho pot-shot, punching it over the bar. Nothing comes from the ensuing Barcelona corner. Big blue sombreros off to Rangers - despite the early setback and despite the fact that none of their players are getting to touch the ball, they're doing reasonable well. Their defence is well-organized, they're keeping maintaining a rigid 4-5-1 formation and they're not letting Barcelona pull them out of shape.

25 mins: Rangers win a corner, which Charlie Adams sends soaring across the pitch towards the halfway line. It's too high for any of the visiting Rangers defenders to get their heads to and Barcelona don't really need to clear.

23 mins: Ronaldinho skips down the left wing with the ball at his feet, lays it off to Iniesta, who tries to dribble through the middle of the Rangers defense. The ball cannons off David Weir and Rangers clear.

20 mins: We're suffering from all sorts of gremlins at the moment, so apologies if the updates are even more tardy than usual. Rest assured, there are greasy-haired nerds in Red Dwarf t-shirts hitting expensive computer equipment with spanners as we speak. Oh, and you can stop sending me emails telling me I'm "a slow effin' twat" too. You know who you are ...

16 mins: Lionel Messi picks up the ball on the right wing, takes on and beats Sasa Papac and cuts inside. He tries to go around Carlos Cuellar, but the ball is deflected to Iniesta, who tries to pass the ball into the net from about 25 yards. His effort curls inches wide of Allan McGregor's left-hand upright.

14 mins: Barry Ferguson has a little nip at Thierry Henry, who goes down holding his ankle, before banging the pitch with his fist in pain. Perhaps Ferguson is upset with Henry because he just saw replays that suggest Henry scored with his elbow, not his foot.

11 mins: This could get ugly for Rangers. Barcelona aren't giving them a sniff of the ball, but are stringing together 20- and 25-pass moves, with Iniesta and Xavi bossing midfield comfortably.

10 mins: Apologies for any delays, but we're experiencing technical difficulties here in Guardian Unlimited Towers. That's actual technical difficulties, as opposed to the kind that occur because your minute-by-minute reporter is gone to attend to his ablutions or make a cup of tea.

6 mins: GOAL! Barcelona 1-0 Rangers Barcelona get the early goal they were hoping for courtesy of Thierry Henry. Iniesta picked out Ronaldinho wide on the left, he crossed to the far post, where Lionel Messi was unmarked. With McGregor the goaklkeeper committed, the Argentinian headed across the face of goal, where Thierry Henry, a Rangers defender and the ball all slid into the back of the net.

4 mins: Xavi crosses from the left flank for Thierry Henry, who brings a smartish save out of Allan McGregor. Even if it had gone in it wouldn't have counted, as the linesman was semaphoring offside.

3 mins: Not much going on so far - Barcelona have had all the possession so far but done very little with it.

1 min: The white flag is raised ... and they're off. Despite what it says on the Barcelona team-sheet, Lilian Thuram is playing at center-back in place of Rafael Marquez, while Carles Puyol is playing at right-back.

Not long now ...

The teams emerge from the dressing rooms and line up in the Camp Nou tunnel. Barcelona will play in their usual home strip, while Rangers are wearing white shirts with navy sleeves, white shorts and white socks. Click-clack, click-clack etc. The themes walk out to the strains of the Barcelona song, line up for the Champions League anthem and then shake hands. Dear Jim, if you're reading this, please can you fix it for me to play in a match at this stadium.

Pre-match build-up

Usually when there's a big game on Sky, the coverage begins at least an hour - if not several days - before kick-off, so that anyone who is any doubt whatsoever of the enormity of the contest ahead can tune and be convinced that there is nowhere else they need be when the option of sitting slack-jawed in front of their television set watching a thrilling encounter between Blackburn Rovers and Liverpool or Manchester City and Sunder land. It's a measure of the esteem in which Sky are holding tonight's big game that the pre-match void is being filled by a program about angling. Carpfest 2007, to be exact, featuring a load of blokes in combat trousers and baseball caps trying to catch carp.

The angling equivalent of the Glastonbury Festival - it has a Rigzone and a Baitzone instead of a comedy tent and Lost Vagueness - there are actually spectators present, who have presumably paid money to watch a load of strange men standing on a riverbank with their rods in their hands. It's like a dogging session, but with fish and trophies instead of distasteful huffing and puffing on the back seat of Nissan Micras with steamed-up windows. Here's some more reading material for anyone who's interested. In Carp, that is. Not dogging

Pre-match news and chat

With Lionel Messi having complained at great length about the barefaced cheek of Rangers to defend very well and not concede any goals a fortnight ago, tonight Barcelona get the change to punish them for their impertinence. "Messi used the expression 'anti-football' but it's one I don't like because football has many facets and I absolutely accept any team's right to chose the tactics which best suit them," said Barca diplomat Frank Rijkaard yesterday, in an attempt to pour oil on troubled waters. "Our need is to score early and open the game up, because I view Rangers as difficult, dangerous opponents."

Obviously having seen the masterclass of free-kickery put on by Ronaldinho in Barcelona's match against Real Betis over the weekend, Rangers boss Walter Smith was too busy worrying about giving the Brazilian the opportunity to showcase his dead-ball skills to be concerned about Messi's moaning. "Everyone knows about Barcelona. But an aspect of play that we have to be careful of is not giving away too many free-kicks in and around the box," he said. "That is something we have tried to preach before all the Champions League games. Barcelona don't drop many points at the Camp Nou either in domestic or Champions League football so it's a tough challenge, but if we put on the same performance as we managed at Ibrox then the same result is feasible."

Team news

Gianluca Zambrotta will sit this one out for Barcelona with an ankle injury, but Gabriel Milito returns to the side after being rested against Betis. For Rangers, Kevin Thompson is suspended, but Charlie Adam has recovered from a virus.

The teams

Barcelona: Valdes, Puyol, Marquez, Milito, Abidal, Xavi, Toure Yaya, Iniesta, Messi, Henry, Ronaldinho. Subs: Jorquera,
Gudjohnsen, Sylvinho, Giovanni, Thuram, Oleguer, Bojan.

Rangers: McGregor, Hutton, Cuellar, Weir, Papac, Hemdani, Beasley, Ferguson, Adam, McCulloch, Cousin. Subs: Carroll, Boyd, Novo, Darcheville, Whittaker, Naismith, Faye.

Referee: Eric Braamhaar (Holland)

Kick-off is at 7.45pm.