England 6-15 South Africa

62 mins: England 6-15 South Africa More cheap points for the Springboks, as England are punished for an illegal, and senseless, block. Steyn boots it over from 48 meters.

60 mins: Enterprising stuff from England, who toss it around and, after Hipkiss rolls a Fourie challenge, maul their way into the opposition 22. Then Gomarsall sent a kick into the end-zone for Flood to chase.. ... but Montgomery got their first. And is rewarded by being pushed into the advertising hoarding by a frustrated Flood. "I'm not going to punish him for that," says the referee, without explaining why. "Nothing wrong with that," says Martin Johnson on ITV, keeping up the station's record of exemplary neutrality.

57 mins: England are looking dangerous, they're starting to take risks and are running hither and thither. South Africa seem content to try to contain them and wait for mistakes. It paid off that time, as Tait, who's copped a merciless hit from Burger moments earlier, knocked on. Still, only a converted try in this.

55 mins: South Africa have done very little to justify their lead: England's errors have been the difference between the two sides. Sheridan has just emphasized that point by knocking on in jaded fashion after Corry snatched a line-out and flipped the ball back to him. But then Smith goofed, gifting England a penalty and Wilkinson whacked it into touch on the South African 22.

53 mins: Flood on for Catt. And Tait, who has shifted to full-back, gather a deep South African kick and whacks it into touch back in the Springbok half. Outstanding kick from the youngster.

50 mins: England 6-12 South Africa Hands in the ruck from Corry brings a penalty to the Springboks. Montgomery exacts three-points worth of retribution. "The two commentators from Radio Live in New Zealand) are quite venomous towards the video ref (Stuart Dickinson)" reveals Carla Crifo. "They're making a lot of reference to his being Australian."

47 mins: South Africa have a scrum in the English 22 and, worse news, Robinson is looking decidedly groggy following a big hit. In fact, Robinson has had to hobble off, looking distraught as Hipkiss hurtles on to replace him. "Just to say we're stuck in China following your minute-by-minute for every word," exclaims Mike Haigh. "I'm watching with Jayne and we're eagerly awaiting every update!" Good man, Mike, I appreciate your efforts to stay up. Hope Jayne does too.

44 mins: England 6-9 South Africa "No try" announces the ref, bringing furious boos from the crowd. And justifiably so, because, as he skidded towards the line, Ceuto appeared to have lifted his trailing leg to avoid it going itno touch. England are, however, handed a penalty for an earlier infringement, and Wilkinson converts from a vicious angle.

43 mins: Wonderful surge by Tait, who scampered across the gain line, side-stepped gloriously past Steyn and Montgomery and then offloaded in the tackle to Cueto, who stuck his head down, drove for the line and, under pressure from du Preez, planted the ball right in the corner! But was his left foot in touch? The video referee will adjudicate .... oooh the tension!

42 mins: After Kay and Corry made five-meter gains with stubborn barges up the middle, a fan charges on to the pitch, performs a little dance around the maul, and is clobbered by irate stewards. It's not clever but, let's be frank, it's amusing.

41 mins: England change: captain Vickery has been replaced by Matt Stevens. "A very bold move," blurts Stuart Barnes on ITV.

Right, I'm going to the toilet. And while I'm there, I might as well take a leak. None of you care I'm sure, so maybe you'd prefer to know what Sandra Forte's up to? "I'm glued to my ordinateur portable for your results!" she screeches. "The French here in Montpellier are split 50/50: half of them want England to lose,k the other half want them to win." Yes, Sandra, I think we're all familiar with the concept of 50/50. Has something about this commentary given you the impression that everyone following it is a half wit? Oh.

Break-time banter: "Nothing to fear here. Secure a fair share of possession, don't do anything stupid and Jonny can kick us to the win." OK, that wasn't very good by way of banter, but it's from Gary Naylor, who won't sleep tonight if I don't publish at least one of his (thousands of) comments. Next please.

40 mins: Half-time. "In every World Cup final so far, the side who's been leading at half-time has gone on to win," cries ITV's commentator, his lip no doubt quivering.

39 mins: England 3-9 South Africa South African scrum five metres short of the English line. Roussow picks and drives for the line, and is held up a foot short. Sheridan lurches in from the side to - cynically, perhaps - give South Africa a penalty. Montgomery elects to kick, and slots it over the bar.

38 mins: A pause in play as Montgomery receives treatment. As the doctor wraps his knee in a pristine bandage, Percy runs his hands through his even more pristine hair. To those of you who think "more pristine" is a non sequitor, I invite you to marvel at Montgomery's luscious hair.

37 mins: South Africa have cranked up the pace and power and England are reeling. Through desperate defence - including one heroic tackle from VIckery on Steyen - they halt the Springbok charge just inches short of their line ... and then Smit fumbles the ball forward, gifting a grateful England side the opportunity to relieve the pressure. For now.

35 mins: South Africa sweep swiftly from left to right, but then they ruin the raid by flinging the ball behind Habana, who was sprinting down the flank in preparation of a triumphant dash for the line.

33 mins: Lots of kicking to-and-fro, lots of heavy hits, parity in the scrum, slight South African supremacy in the line-outs, and very little running rugby. But the forward play from both sides is a joy to watch, Corry and Botha have both performed bone-shattering tackles in the last minute or so, and Sheridan has just rollicked into Burger to force a turnover. "Paul, know that myself and a small, sweaty room of South African women appreciate your efforts," confesses Stephanie Carvin, in reference to this here commentary. I think.

30 mins: "Catt and Tait will are on course to offer up the worse ever center performance in a World Cup final?" announces Matt Farrell. "They have both been rubbish so far yet I still feel England will sneak it." You're right about the first bit, Matt, and you might just be right about the second bit: certainly South Africa have so far shown nothing that England need fear, apart from Montgomery's flawless goal-kicking. And on that note, I should tell you that Tait has just bulldozed (!) Steyn to the ground and stolen the ball brilliantly.

28 mins: As Tom Waits might say, it's tighter than a well-digger's ass. But England showed a little ingenuity there - Mike Catt, to be precise - before Botha ended their move with a crunching tackle on Robinson. "My Geordie husband has gone to the local to view the game here in Cessenon-sur-Orb," reveals Catherine Otey. "I have declined to accompany him after watching last week's match with France there, when I believe we only missed getting a bit worse than dirty looks by my singing all the words to La Marseillaise VERY loudly - that's Yankee ingenuity, see."

25 mins: South Africa had scored on every visits to the English 22 ... until just then, when, after a clever chip-and-chase brought James across the gain line, du Randt fumbled the ball and then his team-mates blundered offside. The penalty allowed England to clear.

22 mins: An over-enthusiastic Englander charges over the top on half-way, and Steyn decides he'll go for goal from the resultant penalty. But, as it turned out, he actually went for a spot five yards right of the goal, for some reason.

20 mins: Pietersen clutches another Wilkinson Garryowen on his 22 before being engulfed by England's forwards, who've been admirably agile and brutal so far. The ball comes back to Du Preez, who smashes it upfield to Robinson, who wellies it back down the South African end. Montgomery claims the mark and then - can you guess? - wallops it back towards the English 22. The ping-pong eventually ends when England attempt some running rugby .... And Tait runs all the way off the pitch.

16 mins: After Shaw wins a line-out on the South African 22, England attempt to ram their way through before, realizing the futility of that task, flipping it out to Wilkinson, who attempts a drop-goal ... and winces as the ball droops harmlessly wide.

14 mins: England 3-6 South Africa "I saw that," barks referee Alain Rolland, referring to Moody's trip on a galloping Springbok. Penalty to South Africa. With an ostentatious flick of his gleaming mane, Montgomery steps up to sweep it between the sticks.

11 mins: England 3-3 South Africa England toss the ball around the backs for the first time in the game. Habana eventually clattered Sackey to the ground, but then his team-mates came hurtling over the top to give England a penalty. Wilkinson swings a sweet kick high as a flying chariot, and the white-clad folk in the crowd exult as it zooms between the posts. Excellent kick.

8 mins: England hold one of their line-outs! Crack open the champagne. Or, if you're Jonny Wilkinson, smash a Garryowen high into the Parisian sky, and watch in wonder as Matfield collects it comfortably.

7 mins: England 0-3 South Africa Bryan Habana easily claims two Garryowne in quick succession, and South Africa being to grind forward. Them Tait fields a long kick and is quickly devoured by Springbok forwards. The English waif refused to release the ball and the Irish ref punished him by awarding South Africa a justified penalty. Montgomery slots it over. "I'm following both the Guardian's MBM and the BBC radio coverage," me-me-mes Ross Moulden. "Matt Dawson is a hilarious commentator. He's shouting out everything he says, and when the first scrum happened I swear he was roaring "COME ON! COME ON!" in the background

4 mins: South Africa steal the second line-out of the match. And again James just whacks it long into English territory, allowing England to gather and boot it back. Neither side has dared to show any imagination yet.

2 mins: Botha steals an English line-out, but then du Preez gifts possession back to England with a bizarre knock-on: in plenty of space, he had the ball ins his hands and simply flung it forward. Scrum to England mid-way into the South African half. It yields nothing.

1 min: The 2007 World Cup final begins the same way the last one ended: with a Jonny Wilkinson kick. The one doesn't pierce the posts, of course. No, it's fielded by Burger, who tosses it to James, who pumps it into touch.

7:57pm: The South Africans sing along to their anthem, and though Bryan Habana is crooning the loudest, the show undoubtedly belongs to Percy Montgomery, whose carefully-styled barnet remains a bouncing monument of streaked fluffiness.

7:55pm: "Come on you beauties," blares Jim Rosenthal on ITV, offering an embrassing prelude to England's rendition of God Save The Queen. As the players belt it out, the camera pans to Gordon Brown, who's sombre demeanor would be more appropriate at a funeral. Perhaps he knows something we don't?

7:53pm: Out march the gladiators to a tumultuous din, and that's just from the official band. "I'm all set," gushes Steve Tara. "I've a pint of Guinness in my hand and am tuning into la match on TV5 because I enjoy the French commentary." Do you really, Steve? Or are you just pretending? It's le match, you know.

7:46pm: It's boom time for ITV this weekend, and they're clearly intent on maximizing their advertising revenue. So while people try to flog me products, why don't you listen to Robin Bovey. "I've just averted major stress," chirps Robin. "My laptop charger blew up with the lousy electricity supply here in West Darfur - but a quick trip to the sou, where a man with a very large screwdriver and a soldering iron fit for a ship-building yard, managed to make it work, so roll on the action! Hurry up, I fear I may not have much time left before my computer blows again!"

7:37pm: to whom it may concern "I know you don't give a flying fig but I am an Argentinian who is unabashedly rooting for England, and it feels good," declares Daniel Vergara. "Not out of any desire for South Africa to lose, but simply because I'm over all that idiotic 1982 and 1986 garbage, and if I'm going to get up every Saturday at 7:30am to watch English football I shouldn't turn my back on their national teams. The ironic thing is that for all of us who reject nationalism, chauvinism and religion, it's easier to root for another country than your own, so I probably care more about today's result than many of you at the Guardian do. And I know it probably would be bad for rugby if England won, but what the hell? By the way, I'm rooting for Lewis Hamilton too. But I still hate Margaret Thatcher."

7:32pm: Here's the low-down from Paris, thanks to GU's Monsieur Blogtastic, Andy Bull "What I wrote earlier, about 'no one having trouble getting to the game', that was the most flippant and erroneous thing I've ever penned [are you sure? - ed]. A flash strike was called this afternoon, and the Metro shut down. The line to St Denis had a train every 20 minutes, each one filled with people, with each station having queues three deep along the length of the platform. It was madness. People were screaming, "there are women and children on here! Have mercy!" without any sense of irony whatsoever. Seriously, it was horrific, a real blight on a fantastic Cup. Ah well, we're all here now, I hope, and, hell, there are less than 30 minutes to go: Bring it on!"

Preamble: "England expects!" roar virtually all the nation's papers today, but I put it to you that "England hopes" would be a more accurate description of the national mood. Though "jittery and deeply drunk" would probably be even closer to the mark, what with it being 8pm on a Saturday night and England's rugby players being poised tantalizingly on the cusp of sporting immortality. Just 36 days after being humiliating 36-0 by tonight's opponents, can England shock the Springboks and become the first side ever to win back-to-back World Cups?

Yes, they can. But will they? Don't ask me, because since the start of this barmy tournament my predictions have been poorer than an Alaskan bikini vendor. What is certain is that the mobility and ferocity that England's forwards suddenly mustered mid-way through the pool stages will again have to be to the fore if their back line is to avoid being ripped asunder by the speedy South Africans. If England secure possession, what will they do with it? Entrust their fate to Wilkinson's golden boot, or dare to be expansive? A bit of both, I reckon, as Gomarsall's quick hands and brain will enable them to exploit any gaps in the Springbok defense, meaning they don't have to rely exclusively on Wilkinson's territorial kicking. The same goes for South Africa, of course, as Montgomery and Steyn can dictate games with their boot while du Preez, the best scrum-half in the competition, can invent and inspire at will. I foresee a thriller.

Finally, let me conclude with an appeal to the IRB to ban the Garryowen, or at least restrict its usage. Since Argentina launched about 666 of them in the opener against France, up-and-under have been an all-too-convenient recourse for the clueless, doing more than any Danny Grewcock guide to discipline ever could to dumb the game down.

But enough about all that: how are you?

Teams:England: 15 Jason Robinson, 14 Paul Sackey, 13 Mathew Tait, 12 Mike Catt, 11 Mark Cueto, 10 Jonny Wilkinson, 9 Andy Gomarsall; 1 Andrew Sheridan, 2 Mark Regan, 3 Phil Vickery, 4 Simon Shaw, 5 Ben Kay, 6 Martin Corry, 7 Lewis Moody, 8 Nick Easter.

Replacements: G Chuter, M Stevens, L Dallaglio, J Worsley, P Richards, T Flood, D Hipkiss

South Africa: 15 Percy Montgomery, 14 JP Pietersen, 13 Jacque Fourie, 12 Francois Steyn, 11 Bryan Habana, 10 Butch James, 9 Fourie du Preez; 1 Os du Randt, 2 John Smit, 3 CJ van der Linde, 4 Bakkies Botha, 5 Victor Matfield, 6 Schalk Burger, 7 Juan Smith, Danie Rossouw

Replacements: J du Plessis, B du Plessis, J Muller, W van Heerden, R Pienaar, A Prestorious, W Olivier