Johno Masters Art of Understatement As Wilko Hits Heights

Against Australia, it was the understatement that won it. No one expected the English to win, therefore the victory was as uplifting as it was unexpected. Chief dampener of expectations had been Martin Johnson and it was encouraging that yesterday he was one of the few people not getting carried away.

'They've got a big task in front of them,' he said before the match. The bookmakers agreed, making France long odds-on favorites. But there is a particular pressure in being favorites. 'For France to lose today is a disaster,' said Johno. 'A bigger disaster than it is for England. We have to get to 60, 70 minutes and put a little doubt in their minds. They can beat France. Whether they will or not is why we play the game.'

'England arrive: Battle-hardened, stubborn and very grumpy,' said Jim Rosenthal. And Simon Shaw admitted he was 'pretty grumpy' and Nick Easter that 'Some people like to say I live in a permanent bad mood.'

And it looked as if this was sufficient grumpiness when, having gone four games against 'the established nations' without scoring a try, it took England less than a minute to redress that shortfall. 'Traille slipping, fatal slip, in comes Josh Lewsey. Bang,' said Miles Harrison. It seemed that not only might England win, but they might do so by scoring tries.

Thankfully, Harrison was on hand to keep the understatement going as if bossing a rolling maul. 'Where do you stand on this theory that you can score too early?' he asked.

And back in the studio Johno was nothing if not pragmatic. 'The perfect start for England, what we need to do is score next. Whatever we do, score next.' An unimpeachable analysis - score first and score next and you will never lose.

Irritatingly, it was the French who scored next and next again. 'Easter is off' said Barnes. 'Wilkinson is buried,' said Harrison. A conflicting couple of Breaking News Alerts. If England's savior was to rise again wouldn't he be narked that no one had realized he'd recently been interred? As if that wasn't disquieting enough, enter Chabal. 'Hello, the 21st century Asterix is ready to come on already,' said Barnes. 'The caveman cometh,' said Harrison.

At half time there was a point in it. Johno was asked which way was this one going. 'Who knows,' he said. 'The longer we stay in the more the pressure on you guys.'

Almost upbeat from our man. Although understaters could take comfort from Brian Ashton's pre-match analysis. 'They are very dangerous with the ball and, unusually for a French side, very dangerous without the ball.'

Which, I'm no expert, seems to suggest they are very dangerous at all times, except when knocking on.

Easter was, quite rightly, penalized again for attempting a 'side entry' rather than 'going through the gate' and the French extended their lead.

All that could stop them was a 'born-again Wilko'. He did, despite the French having tried to pass off a match ball that was not a match ball.

'That's not a match ball,' said Wilko, as he waited for the replacement, then popped it over. 8-9. 'It's as you were,' said Barnes.

Score-wise perhaps, but not player-wise, because the French brought on a 'genius', Michalak, who promptly missed a drop-goal. So much for genius.

'I guess it's just about time to take your gloves off and start chewing those nails,' said Barnes. About an hour too late. To win, Johno said, they would have to grind them down and pick and go. 'An ugly win would be beautiful from an English perspective right now,' said Barnes. 'Michalak wants to play progressive football and this might not be the night.'

England had done what Johno had asked of them by reaching 70 minutes and putting some doubt in French minds. Enter 'the General' as old man Dallaglio came on to the pitch.

It was squeakily, stupidly, absurdly, painfully tight. 'That was tense, that was nervy, that was youthful,' said Barnes as Flood failed in an attempt at an unlikely drop goal.

But youthful indiscretion didn't matter for Jason Robinson's pirouette gave 'Doctor Wilkinson' his chance. He took it. 'Cast your mind back to your mood when England were losing 36-0 to South Africa,' said Barnes.

It had been a magnificent recovery and revival. Confirmed when scored and suddenly the English were five points clear. Whoever wins the other semi-final this afternoon will be favorites to win the trophy. Which is just how England would like it. Roll on Saturday for the underestimated.