French Grand Prix - Live!

The race starts at 1pm, as, hopefully, will this report.

Hastily cobbled together preamble, due to Mr Petrol running a bit late this morning after an incident involving the Calor Gaz stove and 26 boxes of nails on the passenger seat of his Robin Reliant, and then a journey with Dreamcatcher Cabs of N8 whose speciality is recreating those nocturnal nightmares where you get further away from your intended destination at every turn. Welcome one and all to the last-ever French grand prix at Magny-Cours. This should be an interesting race alright: Ferrari have got their chops up with Felipe Massa in pole and Kimi Raikkonen on the second row, while McLaren had a bit of a nightmare yesterday thanks to Fernando Alonso's jiggered gearbox. The world champ is tenth on the grid, though Britain's Lewis Hamilton, to give him his full name, is at least second and in with a fair shout. There's also rain heading Magny-Courswards, which could spice things up.

A Sutil, whose first name I'm not even going to pretend to know, is having problems with his car on the grid. It won't start. That's not very good, is it? Even Mr Petrol's Robin Reliant gets moving after a couple of turns of the key.

Most people get up on a Sunday morning and have a fag and a cup of coffee. Not Gary Naylor, who prefers to quip furiously in internet reports nobody really reads because they've just got up on Sunday morning and are having a fag and a cup of coffee. "Lewis Hamilton has no chance today," he quips furiously. "After all, it's a July Sunday in France. He'll be stuck behind a caravan being pulled by a Mondeo with a GB sticker on the back."

And we're off! And it's a bad start for Britain's Lewis, who loses a place immediately to Raikkonen as the second Ferrari slips past him with ease. Massa meanwhile has gone off like a train.