Diary

Reasons We'll Miss Him, Pt 87: his humor. Come on, how many other major western leaders on their last day in office would have a) met Arnold Schwarzenegger, and then b) quipped at their last news conference that their press office had told them: "Whatever else you do this morning, don't say 'I'll be back'"? Not many, we'll wager. So it is without the merest trace of irony that we say to St Tony, most sincerely: Hasta la vista. Baby.

· Et après lui, le déluge. "Dear all," writes David Hill, our soon to be departed leader's killer communications supremo, "please note that after June 27th, my new email address will davidhill@[awellknownupmarketsupermarket].com. I will still be contactable on my mobile, or via the No 10 switchboard." Quelle tristesse

· Result! Clinically sane Mel Phillips blogs that anyone who contradicts the "global warming scam" is seen (and we quote) as "clinically insane". And who on earth, we wonder, could have given her that idea?

· Spotted, at Leicester Square underground station yesterday, this column's second-favourite ferociously intelligent rightwing commentator, Mr Simon Heffer. "He Blackberried," reports our gobsmacked source, "all the way off the tube, on to the escalator, through the ticket hall and up the stairs - without so much as glancing up to see where he was going, and without missing a beat or a step." Amazing. Way to go, Heff!

· Our coveted Politically Correct Utterance of the Month Award is a dead heat between Sony, which has been advertising its PS2 games console in India with the fine slogan: "PS2. Because your girlfriend bores you shitless", and this column's so-called rival on the Daily Mail, Ephraim Hardcastle, who yesterday described Baroness Amos, our nation's first black woman cabinet minister, as "Blair's Caribbean voodoo princess". Sound work, both.

· A mere half-hour after Quentin Davies MP announced he was coming into Pride'n'Humility Broon's tent, attempts to inspect his website were countered with the message "cannot find server". Says it all, really.

· The chairwoman of Midlothian Conservative Future is Mrs Anastasia Beaumont-Bott, and we wish her well. Also, in Viareggio, Tuscany, there is a perfumery on the prom called Botti. Furthermore, Bristol Road, Gloucester, boasts a Nick King Cars. In the 1960s, however, according to particularly alert reader Michael Whear, Great Bardfield in Essex had a town crier called Piper, a grocer by the name of Clinkscales, and a sweetshop run by Mr & Mrs Fudge. Thankfully, this column does not make fun of people's names, not even from 40 years ago.

· Are there two hedge-fund trading, Conservative-voting leftist bloggers called Oliver Kamm? We only ask because there's one who writes: "I consider it wrong in principle and self-defeating for a writer to threaten legal action against a blogger, and cannot imagine realistic circumstances in which I would do so", campaigns for freedom of speech on the internet and argues that the publisher of a bulletin board should not be liable for comments left by posters. And there's another who threatens with legal action - not once, but twice - bloggers who say things he doesn't like! Curious, no?

· Kevan Jones MP is onto something big, though. "To ask the secretary of state for defence," he inquires, "what the total expenditure was on flowers for the residential accommodation provided for the army board, the chief of the general staff, the assistant chief of the general staff and the adjutant-general in 2006." What

· Thanks to Chris Marshall for a chilling color pic of his wife beating off a "daring squirrel raid on the upper reaches of her trousers" in Camborne, Cornwall. Even more thanks to Dr Peter Baker, of Thames Valley University, and his dog Pip, "who has so far dispatched eight Ealing squirrels". Of course, the nation, expects no less.