Down and Up; and Flat As a Pancake

A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF THE ENGLAND CAPTAIN

Captaincy, Michael Vaughan might have concluded yesterday, is never dull. He began the Headingley Test denying the use of the word "Fredalo" in that interview, and ended it as the most successful England captain of all time. He went from a faintly ridiculous figure who forgot that the internet age precludes the old excuse about being misquoted to a record-breaking one who became only the second man in Test history - after Stephen Fleming - to lead his country to three series wins over West Indies. And in between he could easily have lost a match that had seemed unloseable. Yes, it must be interesting to be back.

Vaughan has now won 21 of his 35 Tests in charge, compared to Peter May's 20 out of 41 and Mike Brearley's 18 out of 31. Let's get the English quibbling out of the way first. Thirteen of Vaughan's wins have come against a miserable West Indies and an even less threatening Bangladesh. Even the Spin might have fancied its chances as a kind of old-school amateur hiding at No11, refusing to bowl because of a war-time shoulder injury and dishing out apparently inspired orders from fine leg in between the G&Ts.

However, May picked up five easy victories against New Zealand, who would not win a single Test against England until the late 1970s, while Brearley was lucky enough to collect a 5-1 win against a Packer-weakened Australia team. And, famously, he never played West Indies, then in their prime. Great records usually come with caveats.

Yet what is so impressive about Vaughan's stats is the number 6 in the loss column. Two of those defeats came in his first series in charge, against South Africa in 2003, when he was handed the captaincy at a moment's notice by a tearful Nasser Hussain. Two - one each in Sri Lanka and Pakistan - came on the subcontinent. And one was against Australia. While May lost six and won only three of his 13 Ashes Tests, the only blackish mark on Vaughan's CV is that he has averaged 37 with the bat as captain to May's 54 (Brearley's 22 tells its own tale).

We might have to reserve our ultimate judgment on Vaughan until 2009, when he could become the first England captain to beat Australia twice since Brearley, who did it three times. And by then - a creaking body permitting - he could quite easily have extended his wins tally as captain by another 15 or so.

Less crucially, he will also be a little cuter when it comes to dealing with the press, which is a shame. His interview with Donald McRae was a breath of fresh air in an age of banality. Now he will not think twice before making a very reasonable point about team morale in public: he will think once and decide against it.

Judging by the response on the Guardian Unlimited blogs last week, the blame lies with the front-page headline declaring that Andrew Flintoff had ruined England's World Cup. If Vaughan had argued that this misrepresented his views - that is a debate that could go on forever - and added that everything he said in the interview had already been said to Flintoff in private, he might have emerged with credit. But, for reasons we might never know, he gambled on his use of the F-word and lost. It looked dishonest, unnecessarily so.

Yesterday he had the good grace and sense to apologize. He was even laughing and joking during his joint press conference with Monty Panesar. No one died. Life goes on. We're all human. Perhaps it's partly that perspective that might yet help his record as England captain to remain untouchable for decades to come.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"I don't know what that's all about, mate. The only person I can remember doing it was a wrestler called the Rock" - Jason Gillespie is bemused by the increasing tendency of England cricketers to refer to themselves in the third person after Steve Harmison follows in the footsteps of Michael Vaughan and Michael Vaughan.

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EXTRAS

During his brief international career, Monty Panesar has become famous for a few things. The beard-patka combo, the Bambi-on-skates fielding, the flash-harry batting, the child-in-a-sweetshop celebrations ... and the please-God-no-more press conferences, during which drying paint and growing grass are made to look like the wild party animals. Some of the greatest journalist minds of our time have wrestled with the problem of How To Get Monty To Say Something Interesting. But on Friday evening at Old Trafford a new tack was tried - with intriguing consequences.

Moments before Monty entered the Lancashire library to share his thoughts on his four-wicket haul in West Indies's first innings with the press, a member of the fourth estate decided to get to work on the pad of A4 placed on the table in front of Monty's seat (presumably in case he felt the need at any stage to jot down a few thoughts). "REMEMBER TO SAY," wrote the journalist "HIT THE RIGHT AREAS, WORK HARD, KEEP IT SIMPLE".

Enter Monty to stifled titters. He sits down, spots the advice and chuckles out loud (the Spin has the chuckle on tape and will happily place an audio version of it on-line if challenged). He points it out to England's media-relations officer, James Avery, who chuckles too, and then scans the beaming faces before him in search of the culprit.

So how did Monty respond? First he turned the pad over to avoid distraction. Then he spent the rest of the press conference studiously trying to avoid the phrases in question. "You've just got to make sure you're getting the balls ... in the areas you want to get them," he said. "You've got to let the wicket do what it's doing. It's important to get the balls where you want to get them." It was a noble effort - and very nearly a flawless one. Then, right at the end, he was asked a question about moving past 50 Test wickets. His answer contained the fateful words: "I've got to keep working on my game, keep working hard."

An emergency light didn't quite start blaring and Monty did not disappear through a trap-door, pursued by a bucketful of gunge. No, we're saving that one for the next encounter.

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THE WEEK IN CRICKET


· The Lancashire chief executive, Jim Cumbes, calls Michael Vaughan's criticisms of Andrew Flintoff in his Guardian interview "despicable". "I think it stinks against a guy who has given blood for England these past three or four years," he says.

· Vaughan then denies using the word "Fredalo" in the interview. "As soon as you mention that, you are pinpointing one person," he says.

· The Guardian responds by publishing the relevant excerpt on its website, proving that Vaughan did indeed say "Fredalo" twice.

· The Essex captain, Ronnie Irani, says he will retire at the end of the season because of his long-standing knee injury. Embracing the worrying cricketing trend for lapsing into the third person, he says: "While I'm immensely disappointed, I want to make sure that every one of the club's supporters will say that Ronnie Irani gave everything and that he never took a penny without performing."

· Shaun Pollock's 130 off 110 balls cannot prevent an Africa XI going down to an Asia XI by 34 runs in the first so-called ODI at Bangalore. Asia later complete a little-heralded clean sweep of the three-match series.

· A spectator is ejected from Essex's Friends Provident Trophy match against Surrey at Whitgift School after calling their South African fast bowler Andre Nel a "kaffir".

· Ray Mali, the president of Cricket South Africa, is named as the temporary president of the International Cricket Council following the death of Percy Sonn.

· England win the third Test at Old Trafford against West Indies by 60 runs to take an unassailable 2-0 lead in the four-match series and retain the Wisden Trophy. Set 455 to win, West Indies give England a fright by reaching 385 for 7 before eventually being dismissed for 394. Shivnarine Chanderpaul hits an unbeaten 116, while Monty Panesar collects the first 10-wicket haul by an England spinner for 10 years.

· Matthew Hoggard replaces Liam Plunkett in the squad for Friday's fourth Test at Chester-le-Street.

· A 92-ball seven from Paul Wiseman denies Lancashire their second win of the season as Durham finish their championship match at Chester-le-Street nine wickets down. Surrey also finish nine down to escape with a draw against Worcestershire at New Road, while Darren Gough breaks a bone in his finger during Yorkshire's draw with Kent.

· Graham Ford turns down the chance to coach India, preferring to stay with Kent instead.

· Jamaican police are expected to announce later today that Bob Woolmer was not murdered but in fact died of natural causes.