Cricket: England Fight Back After Harmison Horrors

There was a strong rumor doing the rounds yesterday that Mission Impossible IV was in the offing and that Allan Donald was to be cast in the Tom Cruise role. " Your task, Allan," the recording in his locker would say, "is to get Steve Harmison and Liam Plunkett to send down consecutive deliveries to the same post code. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds." That is of course if the bowlers themselves do not get there first by disappearing up their own follow-throughs.

This Test is Donald's first in his capacity as England's pace bowling guru and, as Duncan Fletcher must have felt on his first match in charge as Donald reduced England to two for four, he must wonder if there is something less challenging he might have done, like making poverty history or curing the common cold.

Harmison and Plunkett were not just awful yesterday, on a pitch that ought to have had them salivating: they were beyond the pale, parishes away from what ought to be the minimum accepted bottom line for an international bowler. There were times, as the extras count climbed ever higher, when the safest place in which to escape harm from the red missile being propelled at close to 90 mph appeared to be in front of the stumps at the other end. Spare a thought for Matthew Prior, the wicketkeeper forced to put himself almost into traction in the cause.

In the fullness of time, when someone comes to revisit the match, they might surmise from the exorbitant number of byes conceded that Prior had a couple of woks strapped to his hands rather than gloves. That shows how statistics lie: Harmison and Plunkett could do worse than club together and purchase a mattress to place behind the stumps and cushion the bone-jarring, often in vain, that Prior took. It was so dispiriting to watch that after a while it became funny.

Somehow, and certainly despite rather than because of the efforts of the pace duo, England finished the second day with their noses well in front, with West Indies all out for 229 in response to their 370 all out with Ian Bell making 97. The tourists' last six wickets fell to Ryan Sidebottom and Monty Panesar for just 13 runs in 44 balls. Shivnarine Chanderpaul, who missed the last match because of injury, managed a cultured half-century but, running out of partners, perished himself in the slide of wickets.

Harmison, operating apparently on the same principle that insists that a monkey, given a typewriter and infinite time, will eventually produce a Booker prize winner, managed a couple of wickets, However, the first, that of Daren Ganga, came during an excruciating first over that, because of a flouting of the laws of the game, ought not actually to have been bowled in the first place. Chris Gayle, surprisingly re-acquainted with the ball after some time spent apart, chipped to backward point to give Plunkett a single wicket. But it won't do to dignify these by classifying them as successes rather than batting mishaps.

Instead, there was reward later for Sidebottom who once again exhibited simple skills, well executed, at a pace on the lively side of fast medium to finish with three for 48, and Monty Panesar, who having explored both ends, began to find some of the spin and bounce that brought him eight wickets here last year and four for 50 yesterday. Left a maximum of 13 overs to bat, England began badly by losing Andrew Strauss lbw for nought as Fidel Edwards sent the new ball down at high velocity but ended the day 175 ahead.

When England bowled, Michael Vaughan might have been wondering whence his wickets might come, and juggled his attack later on in an attempt to find a workable combination. Finally, with Sidebottom from the Stretford end and Panesar from the Statham, he gained the tools to chip through the facade and demolish the remainder of the innings, although swifter than he might have imagined. Sidebottom's introduction brought immediate success as Dwayne Bravo edged behind, and then, in quick succession, after Chanderpaul had reached his half-century, Dinesh Ramdin mishit a bouncer to square leg, Darren Sammy, Jerome Taylor and last-man-out Corey Collymore all edged Panesar into the slip cordon, with Chanderpaul meanwhile driving Sidebottom to short extra cover.

Under the circumstances, until the wickets tumbled later, West Indies batted with commendable restraint, given that at times it must have been harder to predict what was going to be hurled down next than picking today's winning lottery numbers. Ganga must have known one might come his way and been on the lookout, but Harmison still caught him on the crease and in front of his stumps. Gayle flirted for a while as is his wont, belting five boundaries before checking a drive, but thereafter Devon Smith, with economy, and Runako Morton, a little more flamboyant, settled things down with a third-wicket stand of 67, Morton twice hitting Panesar for six before edging Harmison to slip. Smith's was a more unfortunate first victim for Panesar, striking the ball on to his heel with Ian Bell catching the rebound.

Earlier, England had managed to prolong their first innings thanks to Bell's diligence and support from Harmison and then Sidebottom, before he received a fine ball from Collymore that bounced and left him. Sidebottom and Panesar, looking more accomplished than their immediate predecessors in the order, then added 32 for the last wicket.