Follow England v Brazil As It Happens With Our Fun Minute-by-minute Report

Preamble Shut up. Stand up. Whatever you're doing, stop it. Shut up. Take a moment to salute this historic occasion - the return of international football to The Greatest Football Stadium In The Entire World/North West London/The HA9 Postal District/Whatever. It's almost seven years since Kevin Keegan put Gareth Southgate in midfield and Dietmar Hamann put Kevin Keegan on the jobless list by scoring the only goal in Germany's 1-0 win. In those seven years, the OC has come and gone, Relentless has become the nation's favorite moreish, gut-rotting gloop and Woody Allen has made around 947 substandard films. But then, as now, David Beckham was chugging up and down England's right wing as if afflicted by Force 12 constipation and, inevitably, all eyes are on him tonight.

Beckham is one of the best 11 fit players in England but, perverse as it sounds, the selection of sporting teams does not always involve simply picking your least-worst players and, having made his bed by dropping Beckham last summer, McClaren should have stayed in it. Look at someone like Sir Alex Ferguson, who has made a career of making tough decisions, really Big Decisions, and then sticking by them through thick and thin.

Englander, the GU Sports Desk Dog, also has a Big Decision to make. He's been whimpering pathetically since being stood up by his Brazilian cousin Cao, and the grapevine is full of rumors that Englander will never woof at his cousin again. Englander really made the effort to welcome his Cao to his new kennel at Wembley. He popped a fruit basket on his head and bought him a couple of presents: two footballs and a scale model of Rio landmark Christ The Redeemer. And has Cao showed up? Has he eff! He's still on Copacabana beach dancing samba rhythms in the sun and making a special Joga Bonito Bongo Carnivora video with scantily clad dogettes, stopping only occasionally to dig a hole in the sand and leave a special parcel for tourists to find.