Fostering a Child: A Different Kind of Parent

By Deborah Lambeth

There is a growing concern, and there has been for some time, about the large number of children who need to be adopted and are seeking families. Along with that concern is the need for foster parents/families/couples to be a "temporary" parent to a child who is family-less (not homeless).

For the most part, fostering a child is becoming an instant parent. Foster parenting changes a person’s lifestyle and influences every area of their life—community involvement, activities, friends, families, etc. Deciding to become a foster parent requires a lot of thought. Having conversations with family and getting feedback from other foster parents are two important things a potential foster parent can do to get a good grasp of what foster parenting entails as well as how the extended family will adapt to a foster child.

The National Foster Parenting website says, "you will find that your relatives fit into two categories when you inform them that you are going to take in a foster child. Either they proclaim you the saints of the family or just plain nuts. Whichever side of the discussion they voice their opinion on, your choice to take in foster children puts them in various dilemmas."

For example, where does the child fit into Christmas photos if the child is going to be in the home for only three months? Do I include this child in gift giving? What are the understood and inherent responsibilities of family members and friends? In addition, foster parents have to remain confidential about the foster child’s situation and family and cannot disclose any information about the child’s background, etc., to family members. This becomes extremely difficult in crisis situations or emergency situations with the child.

Foster parenting can be short-term or long term depending upon the situation and the child. Before placing a child in a foster home, the agency placing the child will make a home visit, do a very thorough background check on you and your family, income levels will be assessed, and other areas will be addressed. The process to become a foster parent can range from 3 months to over a year. States vary by the number of training hours a foster parent needs to receive as well as the different areas that are assessed. The National Resource Center for Family-Centered Practice and Permanency Planning provides a wealth of detailed information about what it takes to be a foster parent and how to go about becoming one.

Foster parents or "parents who foster" are those who nurture and give encouragement. Just like a parent, a foster parent is "on-call" 24/7 Monday-Monday. The safety and welfare of the foster children will always be a priority. While it may seem very tough to do, foster parenting has many rewards in the final outcome. Short-term foster parents can feel reward that they have provided a "respite and safe place" for a child, albeit for only a few weeks or a few months. Long-term foster parents can be rewarded in that they have helped teach a child to trust again, dream, and hope. And foster parents can feel a degree of satisfaction as they have modeled for other parents and potential foster families what life is like and what life can be like when taking a child into the home.