Print

100 Ultimate Chuck Norris Jokes

The marvelous Chuck Norris has been a part of many films and jokes alike. Here's a list of funniest jokes about him, which you can use as funny one-liners too.
Advertisement
Chuck Norris joke
Did You Know?
The inspiration for Chuck Norris' satirical factoids was Conan O'Brien's Chuck Norris jokes on 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien'. He surely never thought that it would turn into such an Internet phenomenon years later!

One cannot really say that Chuck Norris is legendary because of his long list of filmography or the inspiration he has become for the incredible humor following it. He became a superhero in his own right, fighting, conquering, and defeating every imaginary concept known to mankind. This has not only made him invincible, but also won him a status worthy of worship.

If you have been looking for a bank of funniest Chuck Norris jokes, look no further. In what follows, is a long list of jokes that you ought to know if you are his fan. So, read on for these hilarious one-liners to add to your list of jokes about Chuck Norris.

Top Chuck Norris Jokes

Elvis used to call Chuck Norris the King.

The missing piece in the Apple logo is a bite taken by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wears sunglasses so that his eyes won't hurt the sun.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.

When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

The most dangerous form of transportation is Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick, it is also the fastest.

Chuck Norris doesn't like bugs. That's why the Beatles stopped making music.

Once you go Chuck Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' baby rattle is still shaking.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Chuck Norris can stain stainless steel.

Genies ask Chuck Norris for wishes.

Chuck Norris can build Rome in one day.

Chuck Norris doesn't spell words wrong. No one else spells them right.

Chuck Norris can breathe underwater.

The government pays Chuck Norris taxes.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

The last time Chuck Norris cooked dinner... Jesus and the disciples had reservations.

Kim Kardashian secretly wishes she had an ass like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Vampires and Chuck Norris have a symbiotic relationship.

The Sun doesn't set, it runs when it sees Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

When Chuck Norris works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Monalisa that smile.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris can make apple juice with oranges.

America didn't win the American Revolution, Chuck Norris beat the British by himself.

A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

Chuck Norris bought his car with monopoly money.

The only reason Michael Phelps won so many Olympic gold medals was because Chuck Norris was chasing him.

Chuck Norris has Braille writing on his boots so that even blind people will know what's coming.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Light wonders how Chuck Norris moves so fast.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Every time Chuck Norris gets mad at the sun, there's an eclipse until Chuck calms down.

Two calculators are needed to add up Chuck Norris' IQ.

Chuck Norris won the NBA 3 point competition with his hands in his pockets.

Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The top secret ingredient to Coca-Cola is a drop of Chuck Norris' sweat.

Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but so will Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can teach an old dog new tricks, and teach a new dog old tricks.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can run on a tight rope while he is completely wasted.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

Chuck Norris can find the needle in the haystack.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris.

Ninjas aren't paid to kill Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris kills ninjas for free.

Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris jokes ever, but he hasn't submitted them to this site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account, he just tells the bank how much he needs.

Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.

If Chuck Norris were an Olympic athlete, the Olympics would be canceled. Every four years they would just mail Chuck Norris his 237 gold medals.

Chuck Norris: Only man to ever catch all 150 original Pokemon in under 2.7 seconds.

Chuck Norris won the Tour de France, on a stationary bike.

Chuck Norris can speak in Morse code.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

As a kid, Chuck Norris made his dad go to his room.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open and lick his elbow. At the same time.

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.

Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris can't predict the future. The future just better do what it's told.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Nine out of ten scientists agree that Chuck Norris, not the Big Bang, created the universe. The tenth scientist has never been found.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.

Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

These jokes have provided fodder to many witty conversations, they have been a part of many SMS circulation, and they sure have made a great contribution to entertainment around the world. Hope this list of ultimate Chuck Norris jokes have created ripples of laughter in the mundane monotony of the day.
By
Published: June 6, 2014
Post a Comment
Name: