10 Tips for Success in Marriage Counseling

Instead of waiting for situations to get out of hand, you can both pursue marriage counseling to resolve problems in a healthy and appropriate way. You don’t have to wait until problems reach a crisis point! Marriage counseling can help you work through current, past, and potential problems but it does require a commitment from both parties. Here are just ten tips for success in marriage counseling:

1. Be honest. Being honest and open throughout the session with the counselor will help keep things on the right track, and encourage each party to open up. Being honest will help you set a positive and clear tone for your discussion.

2. Make a commitment to change. Making a commitment to change a behavior or perspective is hard, but you can take the steps to share your goal with your counselor and even sign a ‘contract’ to stay on track.

3. Be specific. Being specific about problems that are creating tension in the relationship is the first step for tackling it at its root. Define a specific situation or instance, your thoughts on the matter, and identify ways to resolve that particular problem.

4. Set measurable goals. Marriage counseling can help you set specific and attainable goals so you can grow; you’ll develop new skills along the way, and can set higher goals as you get through each level.

5. Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is a big part of marriage counseling, and learning how to forgive really can save your relationship.

6. Recognize patterns in your family history. Many couples do not realize they are simply imitating the behavior of parents or other family members in their current relationship. Marriage counseling can help you identify what these behaviors might be, and can make it easier for you to develop a better—and healthier—response to a situation.

7. Look for ways to resolve, not relive, conflict. Many people get stuck in the trap of reliving a negative situation and ‘running in circles’ when it comes to tackling the problem. Marriage counseling will teach you how to resolve a situation and move on.

8. Learn about your personality conflicts. Assessing your personality is a part of the marriage counseling process, and can help you both determine specific personality attributes and characteristics that may be making a problem worse.

9. Do your homework! Marriage counseling takes place both in an office, and at home. Your marriage counselor will often assign you a project or assignment to work on between sessions, so stick with the guidelines and you’ll have a much higher chance of success with the program.

10. Be respectful. Showing respect for your significant other, and the marriage counselor, is an important element of marriage counseling. Take the time to listen, and avoid jumping to conclusions with uncomfortable subjects. Patience and a commitment to respect the other party will help you in the long-term.